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Passions in Poetry

A little help, please....

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Eromyna
Member
since 11-29-2002
Posts 310
Pheonix, AZ, USA


0 posted 09-16-2003 01:34 PM       View Profile for Eromyna   Email Eromyna   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Eromyna

I wrote this poem a long time ago, on my old computer. And, right after I typed it, the computer died. When I booted it back up, there was nothing left, so I quickly wrote by hand all the lines I could remember, but they were all mixed up and some of them were missing entirely.
I've finally fixed most of the confusion, but there is one line that never came back to me. Now I'm asking your help to fill in that void. If you have any ideas for what to put in the blank line, please suggest them.
~*~*~

Black and blue eyes
What a pretty disguise
I'll paint the chivalry
you hide behind
I'll write the poetry
black and white lines
Bleed for us both
in a crimson design
I'll break the spirit
You drain the soul
I'll drink the tears
and you dig the hole
I'll drop the ashes
You hold the light
Fade to grey slowly
in the black midnight
I'm the pollutant
innocence lost

cold crystal frost
I'm disillusioned
You saw me fall
Rainbow's reflection
colors dissolved

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

© Copyright 2003 Shay D. - All Rights Reserved
GG
Member Elite
since 12-03-2002
Posts 3615
Lost in thought


1 posted 09-17-2003 02:45 AM       View Profile for GG   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GG

maybe "the world is covered in" or "my heart is covered in" or "my heart stings liek a"
a like the poem! good luck with finding the line that fits.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
     (blink, breathe, stand, fight)

Eromyna
Member
since 11-29-2002
Posts 310
Pheonix, AZ, USA


2 posted 09-17-2003 10:05 AM       View Profile for Eromyna   Email Eromyna   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Eromyna

Nah. I don't think I want the word "heart" on that line. Thank you for your comment. Maybe I'll find a different way to phrase that. I dunno...

"I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation."

Maddy vanD
Member
since 09-06-2003
Posts 101
Newfoundland, Canada


3 posted 09-17-2003 10:29 PM       View Profile for Maddy vanD   Email Maddy vanD   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Maddy vanD

"chilhood rimed in"??????

Maddy
Poetry is not pretty....poetry is real

eor
Senior Member
since 09-26-2002
Posts 968
blues & greys


4 posted 09-18-2003 01:58 AM       View Profile for eor   Email eor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for eor

"at any cost"

"For those who understand you, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, none is possible."

 
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