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Passions in Poetry

how it begins

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ShannonMarie
Member
since 09-09-2003
Posts 57
in a state of being


0 posted 09-09-2003 02:10 PM       View Profile for ShannonMarie   Email ShannonMarie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ShannonMarie


While I walked around in sin,
I looked inside, deep within,
I saw in his eyes,
the start of my demise,
and here is where my journey begins.

Joe his name I was told,
My husbands best friend to be so bold,
hand in hand as we dance,
in a blur.... in a trance,
so the story unfolds.

he spoke of love so kind,
a heart of gold I did find,
a kiss face to face,
I felt my heart race,
and voices screaming in my mind.

We made love that night,
the feeling ever so right,
for hours on it went,
until our love was spent,
sleeping in loves embrace so tight.

I know this love will be my end,
this secret love, my new best friend,
why can't I let this be,
the guilt it is killing me,
will my soul be set free??
no longer will I pretend.
© Copyright 2003 Shannon Marie - All Rights Reserved
teenpoet
Member
since 10-17-2001
Posts 287
Michigan


1 posted 09-09-2003 03:09 PM       View Profile for teenpoet   Email teenpoet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for teenpoet

That's sad.  I'm sad I'm sorry.  But it's a good poem ne'ertheless.  wow wll...okay then.
Lexy
Senior Member
since 01-28-2003
Posts 1049
California


2 posted 09-09-2003 09:54 PM       View Profile for Lexy   Email Lexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lexy

I little too honest, added no wondering, eloborate on your feelings. and this could be good. You were tied to ryhme, which felt forced. I think you should relook this piece. Make some changes perhaps.Welcome to Pip.
~Lex
Rosebud1229
Senior Member
since 04-05-2000
Posts 1829
North Carolina


3 posted 09-10-2003 12:09 AM       View Profile for Rosebud1229   Email Rosebud1229   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Rosebud1229

I think this was a very good poem,
where do you begin? Writing always helps so welcome to a new beginning.
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


4 posted 09-11-2003 05:50 PM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Shannon,
beautiful writing and yes, no pretend the guilt will eat you alive . . .
*hugs*
xxoo
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