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Dark Poetry #3
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littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York

0 posted 2003-08-27 02:49 AM


Tell me your fears
and I'll tell you mine
Hurry now
we're running out of time
The sky is becoming darker
the air is growing thin
Look up to the sun, my friend
for my soul is full of sin

Hurry now, my love
and relate to me your dream
The one you had last night
the time I heard you scream
In the darkness of your sleep
through the deepest pits of Hell
Can you see your sacred soul
break free from it's shell?

Now that I know your fears
do you want to see it rain?
Are you ready, my love?
Can you take the pain?
Can you travel to a place
where no one has been before?
To the dankness of this Earth
right through to the core

Sheild your eyes, my love
for the light is blinding bright
The fear that you may feel
will set your soul aflight
Fly away, fly high
soar through my soul ablaze
Raging, burning fire
travel through my maze

Tell me your fears
you don't need to hear mine
Just hold me close
and I'll be fine
Wipe away my tears
and kiss me, Oh so sweet!
I'll pack away my sins
and bury them beneath my feet

Hurry now, my love
and tell me just one thing
For the sky is becoming darker
and love is what I bring
Hold my hand and squeeze
and pull me, oh, so close!
For the Judgement Day is here
to take this life I chose  

© Copyright 2003 Sue Eckam - All Rights Reserved
Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
1 posted 2003-08-27 05:43 AM


Proof that rhyming is no crime..

This is astounding work, it carries and flows flawlessly.


mysticpoe
Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883

2 posted 2003-08-27 08:34 AM


Love this journey you put us on. Be back, need more time with this. Nice.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

mysticpoe
Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883

3 posted 2003-08-27 10:01 AM


OK lw, I read this a few more times and you have a winner here. Outstanding metaphors, the first and last stanza's mesh very nicely. The thoughts and how they are conveyed are excellent. Very good write here. I won't get into the grammer, because I really don't know much about that. Really. Enjoyed.

mysticpoe

If nothing is something
then everything is
our thoughts and feelings
and all that exists.

SharaRose
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~
4 posted 2003-08-27 01:25 PM


Wow this rhymed. I have seen that rhyme isn't rec'd well, but I have always liked it and used, but it seems it's not rec'd well these days. Refreshing to see someone use it! Very nice...

I read this and it made me think to myself...I wonder how many millions of people echo these thoughts all the time. WOW! It's amazing when I think about how many millions of us out here probably feel that way or have felt that way...wow can we ever all relate to this at some time or another. So clearly said...Wow, definately comes to mind!

SharaRose @-->--

Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer!

Mad_Hatter
Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393
Canada
5 posted 2003-08-27 03:52 PM


Beautifully written.  Flawlessly written.  Amazing write.
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
6 posted 2003-08-27 08:23 PM


Thank you Meg, I don't usually rhyme - I wrote this a very long time ago and it needed to breathe - thank you

Thank you poe, coming from you that means a lot . . . grammar? what grammar? LOL
*smile*  you are much too kind to me

Shara - I know, I used to write like this all the time, never free verse or any other forms, this one I like because it just , I dont know . .  fits it seems, thank you so much and yes, these thoughts go through my head every day - thank you

Ryan, wow . . . thank you so much, means a lot to me - what a compliment  


Thank you everyone, you made me smile today
xxoo

[This message has been edited by littlewing (08-27-2003 08:24 PM).]

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
7 posted 2003-08-27 10:49 PM


sue, you're down with the rhymes....
real good
Tell me your fears
you don't need to hear mine
Just hold me close
and I'll be fine
Wipe away my tears
and kiss me, Oh so sweet!
I'll pack away my sins
and bury them beneath my feet

benath feet....they sink into the sand,
thrown on the water, where there is no judgment.........
peace and love, m

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
8 posted 2003-08-30 11:26 PM


A beauty, Susie

And this?

"Tell me your fears
you don't need to hear mine
Just hold me close
and I'll be fine
Wipe away my tears
and kiss me, Oh so sweet!
I'll pack away my sins
and bury them beneath my feet"

My favorite!

Mr.Rose

Ringo
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes
9 posted 2003-08-31 12:08 PM


For not being a rhyming poet, this one is awefully good...

Hold my hand and squeeze
and pull me, oh, so close!
For the Judgement Day is here
to take this life I chose.

I especially enjoyed this part.
Great job.  

We are all equal but we’re individually different
and able to reach the impossible if we try.

timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
10 posted 2003-08-31 02:25 AM


I got lost as I was wondering around and ended up in dark, which is highly unusual for me, but hey...it's 2 AM and there aint a wink of sleep in sight!

Sue, this was great...I loved the rythm here, and the message.  You done a wonderful job (even if it was some time ago)!

...maybe I will check out a few more...

I need to take my hiney to bed, but oh well...I can sleep tommorow right?

[This message has been edited by timothysangel1973 (08-31-2003 02:27 AM).]

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
11 posted 2003-08-31 03:01 AM


I havent had the chance to get on-line in a while, and destiny let me read this tonight.
hehe
good
write.


GIS

a trickle of music from a well
let it spill and roar like hell!

{Lord knows Im a VOODOO CHILD}-JIMI

cusick
Senior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 668

12 posted 2003-09-01 04:21 PM


Littlewing. This is such an impressive poem. I loved it. Maggie

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