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Dark Poetry #3
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Flashbacks From Childhood
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Flashbacks From Childhood |
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Lil OnE Member
since 1999-12-14
Posts 234Pasco County. Fl. |
My thoughts are scattered and confused. My heart is battered, and it's bruised. My body was infiltrated, I was used. Beaten and forced... helpless... robbed. Are you satisfied now that you've done your job? Alone and scared, oh so scared. The sight of my own face makes my stomach turn. And pain-- I'll never forget the pain of you forcing yourself into me over and over again. Lingering in the shadows, I wish I was just stuck in a bad dream... but I'm not. Shame. For all those years, I thought I deserved it. I thought it was my fault. Daddy told me it was after he found out. I was only 11 for Christs sake. What the heck did I know? Pregnant??? What do you mean pregnant??? I can't let my feelings show. Numb it... I need to numb the pain. Drugs. I need drugs. Give me a 40 when I'm done. Give me more, please just numb the pain. Miscarriage!?! What do you mean my baby is dead? Pardon me, sir. I don't think I heard what you said. Pain is gone... I'm completely numb. They said it was a boy. He deserves a name. Eli. Eli Michael: my unborn son. I turned 12 today. I'm out of cigarettes and I only have 6 beers left. Again, it's my fault. I've killed a helpless being. All he wanted was a chance to live, and like always, I've failed again. I'm a killer... I'm the one who should be dead. For the past three months, I've held this inside. I can't tell my mom. I haven't eaten in 9 days, but I don't think I'm hungry. It's 2am, and like usual, I can't sleep. God, I wish I had more alcohol. Please make it all go away. I'm sorry I was bad- I didn't mean to kiss him and then tell him no. I didn't know the consequence of no--I swear. Can you please just make it all go away? Can anybody hear me? Just make it all ok. Kill me if you need to there's no reason for me to live. I was a bad girl, and I'm sorry. Please-just make me feel better. I'm only 12, I know, but I'll be good. For the rest of my life I'll be good. I promise. Now, will you make it stop? "No man is EVER worth my tears, and the only one who is will never make me cry" |
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| © Copyright 2003 Christine L. Kelly - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
I know how you feel... |
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Lexia Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 111Nowhere |
Woah, very intense. I can relate to this. Lexia You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person. |
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Lil OnE Member
since 1999-12-14
Posts 234Pasco County. Fl. |
I'm sorry you both know how I feel... my heart goes out to you both. No woman (or man, for that matter) should ever know how this feels. I wish you all the best. "No man is EVER worth my tears, and the only one who is will never make me cry" |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Christine . . . I applaud you for writing of such a difficult subject . . . there are many here who relate to such an issue(s) . . . awful as they may be . . . rest assured that I understand where you are coming from and there are many here who do. It is good to talk about tthese things, to write of them , to release, as you have done here for me. Thank you Sue xxoo I just saw your signature . . . good for you! [This message has been edited by littlewing (08-13-2003 01:13 PM).] |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Shame. For all those years, I thought I deserved it. I thought it was my fault. This hurts to read... I understand entirely too much of it all too well. I know nothing can erase the hurt... but know the shame is another's, not yours... and that however overdue it may be, there will eventually come a time when the past becomes just that... and the mirror will smile back at you. Meanwhile... if I can help in any way, email me. *S* |
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Trillium
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098Idaho, USA |
This is such a traqic story, but do remember you are the victim and none of it was your fault. Words are quite inadequate in a situation like yours, I'm sure, but know that there are people who care about what has happened to you. It is very brave of you to share your feelings here. Betty Lou Hebert |
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Lil OnE Member
since 1999-12-14
Posts 234Pasco County. Fl. |
I'm doing a lot better now than I was then, I mean, it was 9 years ago. The emotions that accompany the act never fade, but I'm happy now, it's just something I wrote awhile ago. Thank you all for your kind replies. "No man is EVER worth my tears, and the only one who is will never make me cry" |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Nice write. I cant relate but its obviouis that you were thick with emotion when you wrote it. GIS a trickle of music from a well |
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