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SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

0 posted 2003-08-05 07:33 PM

Now.
Well no
not just now
but
always
or
should I say
for a long time.
You
say
I have
no morals
I sleep
morally.
While
You
pass
your
sen-
tence
YOU
think
I'm due.
Who
are
you?

Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer!

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2003-08-05 08:09 PM

I like this kind of poem. It doesnt say who the critic is, so this could describe a battle with yourself, a lover, a parent, a boss........... And the "who are you part" could be a way of saying Im an individual too so get off my back. For some reason though It seemed more like waking up from a dream. Any way this is a nice piece.

GIS

a trickle of music from a well
let it spill and roar like hell!

{Lord knows Im a VOODOO CHILD}-JIMI

Lexia
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 111
Nowhere

2 posted 2003-08-05 08:14 PM

This is good. I like how it flows...smooth, like a melody. The structure is simple and adds to the theme.

Good work,
Lex

You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

3 posted 2003-08-05 09:51 PM

Thanks Itchy, and Lexia...I appreciate your thoughts. Thanks bunches...

hugs,
SharaRose @-->--

Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

4 posted 2003-08-05 11:33 PM

I didn't think of it as waking up from a dream till I read GIS' comment..the way you wrote it kinda does feel like that. Like your trying to open your eyes, and you take everything in slowly but surely. I loved the simpleness to this. Good job.

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

5 posted 2003-08-06 12:43 PM

loved this, great write, espically like the astehtics(sp?), it added a lot more to thw poem

"in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums"

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

6 posted 2003-08-06 01:00 AM

Thanks Lexy, and Eor...I appreciate your comments. Like my message says...I'm not good at this poetry thing, but what I don't have in skill I make up for with heart! Thanks for reading! Bless ya!

SharaRose @-->--

Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer!

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