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Dark Poetry #3
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eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys

0 posted 2003-07-01 08:59 PM


alas i see what is meant for me
a life of confusion
no one to turn to
thought i did
you were happy when i left
spent all day with her
came back and you were sad
you said nothing was wrong
i said you lie
you got upset and left with her
there is something deep inside
i don't think i can hide
anymore
than
before
someone please help me
i can't be ignored
why do i feel like this is such a chore
life that is
maybe i am over reacting
or maybe you were just acting
maybe i'm just crazy
but hey that's they way i am baby
falling faster
into this
no way out
is this bliss?



© Copyright 2003 matt cockrell - All Rights Reserved
Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
1 posted 2003-07-01 09:20 PM


Different, great write
eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
2 posted 2003-07-01 09:52 PM


thanks, i am feeling different today...
green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
3 posted 2003-07-01 10:41 PM


A giant block of thought. And it is a nice thought at that.

Good poem

Ladybug
Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236
Massachusetts
4 posted 2003-07-02 10:00 AM




[This message has been edited by Ladybug (07-02-2003 10:02 AM).]

Ladybug
Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236
Massachusetts
5 posted 2003-07-02 10:00 AM


Hi Eor, good poem!  It was really choppy, almost random, and this worked well for the poem.  A question for you, I'm not sure what was intended by this line: "thought i did"

"no one to turn to
thought i did"

-- are you saying you thought you HAD someone to turn to?  If so, you'd need to add that in there somehow.  

I enjoyed this poem, very cool!

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

Mad_Hatter
Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393
Canada
6 posted 2003-07-02 01:52 PM


Wow man, great stuff yet again.  You have a style all your own and I love it.
eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
7 posted 2003-07-02 07:27 PM


thanks mad hatter, i appreciate it a lot, and ladybug you were right but i felt like it did not need to be in there, have to make the reader think, can't always lay it out on the line, a little iceburg every now and again...but thanks all of you
Ladybug
Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236
Massachusetts
8 posted 2003-07-02 07:47 PM


Hey, Eor!  I hear what your saying...I also like to make the reader do some work once in a while.  Still, an excellent write!  I am really enjoying your stuff!   

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
9 posted 2003-07-02 09:05 PM


thank you!
Chameleon
Member
since 2002-08-07
Posts 99
Australia
10 posted 2003-07-05 12:56 PM


the attitude, the rythym, the articulation!
love it

eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
11 posted 2003-07-05 07:34 PM


:-)
eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
12 posted 2003-07-05 07:34 PM


:-)

"in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums"

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
13 posted 2003-07-12 06:00 AM


A silky flow...like the question at the end...James
dertah
Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584

14 posted 2003-07-12 02:57 PM


ha ha, very cool dude, right on.
Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S
15 posted 2003-07-13 08:41 AM


a great write. you have talent indeed hope to see more in the future.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-


missmisery61
Member
since 2003-07-08
Posts 56

16 posted 2003-07-17 03:14 PM


"why do i feel like this is such a chore"

Ever drive by nice homes with beautiful lawns, ongoing BBQ's in the back yard, with perfect children playing in the yard and wonder, just wonder, if their lives are as picture perfect as they seem?  I really believe it's a chore for most of us, most of the time.  If I'm wrong and their lives are so perfect, I've been cheated and am requesting a refund.

I really enjoyed your poem, as you can see, it made me think, lol.

So lord I see you grinnin' must be grand always winning....AIC

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