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green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

0 posted 2003-06-26 10:21 PM

Why, phobia
of Happieness
Aid of cancer, faster the roll
higher the toll, beauty is black, no turning
back. The end is now. Now is BROKEN

-----------------
open for comments

Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

1 posted 2003-06-27 04:28 PM

"Now is BROKEN." Wow. I love how that last phrase just seems to pull everything together..almost makes one long for more to read, to understand. Ya know? Or perhaps I'm just rambling. I loved it all the same!

Tanya

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

2 posted 2003-06-27 07:12 PM

nice write...

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

3 posted 2003-06-28 03:02 PM

itchy:

nice job

this would pack more punch
if you seperated the lines a bit.
Read it aloud before you post
so it flows . . . like language -
make it roll from your tongue
xxoo

Broken
Member

since 2000-03-12

Posts 271
The woods

4 posted 2003-06-28 09:42 PM

Just had to read this one, enjoyed.

~Broken~

Such griefs with such men well agree,
But wherefore, wherefore fall on me ?
To be beloved is all I need,
And whom I love, I love indeed.

S.T.C

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

5 posted 2003-06-28 10:28 PM

Haha, I love it when people reply to titles with their screen names in them, for some reason it makes me laugh.

but honestly? This poem is deep and compassionate and I absolutely loved it.
Now is broken

I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war,
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
-coldplay

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

6 posted 2003-06-29 09:46 PM

littlewing,
thanks for the advice. i think the part about spacing would have really helped express the poem the way i wanted.
as for the awkard flow, it was actually intended as it was straight from the heart of depression.

thanks to everyone else who took time to read.

xEmperorEmber
Member

since 2000-03-28

Posts 136
tx

7 posted 2003-06-29 10:03 PM

nice KEG

i wont call you your nick name here.. till later

paul

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