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Dark Poetry #3
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blackhalo
Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467
Denver, CO

0 posted 2003-06-17 09:55 PM


The seconds tick my life away
And I stand in brilliant nothingness
Waiting, silently
For the one who has claimed my soul
The dawn slips away
In the blink of an eye
And I am blinded
Silently die
Frozen catacombs of life
Pass me by
Eternally yours
When I can't find
What it means to claim me
Free fall, hear my plee
Lost soul lose me
Lost life I'm free
Nevermind, let me die
Tell me how show me why
Why is it that I claim
Where is my fire-burning flame
I can't open
Blinded eyes
Mind lost
Soul dies
And still the clock ticks on
Reminding me of the nothingness
You have become to me
Set me free
I can't loosen
The noose
Rope tightens
Swallow pain
Lose me
Clock keeps ticking
Seconds kill time
Lost free love blind
I know nothingness
Like no one else knows
Nothing is what we have
And what love
When we cannot open
Blind eyes
Love dies
Truth opens
Souls have burned
Still seconds tick my life away
Seconds meet minutes
And minutes meet death
Death becomes what we cannot know
Life ends
Seconds tick on

© Copyright 2003 Alicia R - All Rights Reserved
kadafi09
Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 143
California, United States
1 posted 2003-06-17 10:08 PM


i liked the use of the clock in your poem, it nicely added to your message. i really liked it.
mysticpoe
Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883

2 posted 2003-06-18 10:46 PM


Blackhalo, you have a real good write here. I like the use of continuation with the last line. Like, the story is not over. Like to see an encore in the future. Enjoyed.

mysticpoe

laurie
Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 153
canada, ontario
3 posted 2003-06-19 09:01 PM


wow... l like this.
but you're wrong about one thing..
someone else does know what it's like to be numb, to everything and everyone. anyway, l like this, you've got great rhythm, and some brilliant thoughts.
its the first of yours l've read, l think, but l'm going to keep looking.. l enjoyed this.
thank you.
laurie.

Ladybug
Member
since 2003-06-17
Posts 236
Massachusetts
4 posted 2003-06-20 01:58 PM


Hi Blackhalo, good poem!  I really love the clock metaphor -- it is one I have used many times, and it works wonders.  Good job, and I look forward to reading more of your work

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

blackhalo
Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467
Denver, CO
5 posted 2003-06-21 04:26 PM


Hey, thanks everyone for for taking the time to read and respond.  I haven't been here in ages and ages, so, like, all of my poetry is in the archives of the corner pub.  I'm slowly regaining time to spend in here, but I will try to keep posting.  Thanks again for the replies,
*~Alicia~*

eor
Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959
blues & greys
6 posted 2003-08-22 07:34 PM


i am going back and reading some of your stuff, great write here, i really enjoyed it...adding this(it seems all of your poems i add )

"in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums"

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
7 posted 2003-08-23 12:04 PM


Had almost a counting rythm with like an off order but had rythm regardless.  I liked and enjoyed.  Another addition is mine tonight!

GIS

a trickle of music from a well
let it spill and roar like hell!

{Lord knows Im a VOODOO CHILD}-JIMI

blackhalo
Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467
Denver, CO
8 posted 2003-08-23 01:36 AM


  Way weird to see this popped back up here...  Nevertheless, thanks a million for stopping by.  
~Alicia

Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
9 posted 2003-08-23 03:13 AM


Ahh..many cool images here, a great write indeed!
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
10 posted 2003-08-23 02:00 PM


Alicia - many thoughts here indeed . . .
saw a hoping for change and an utter respite for living the same old day over and over again.

The ideal that life keeps ticking after we are gone is insightful, although I seem to think that there is also much more to it than that . . .

I can't open
Blinded eyes

Awesome lines, nope . . . only those that are blind can open their own
Good job
xxoo

blackhalo
Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467
Denver, CO
11 posted 2003-08-24 01:19 AM


Thanks guys, wonderful replies from even better poets!  I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond.  This was written in the middle of my college english class.  The guy next to me looked over and tried to talk to me.  I just put up one finger and when I was finished with it, I handed it to him.  I guarantee he will never forget it.  :p  Ok, enough of my talking...
~Alicia

click1
Member
since 2003-03-25
Posts 152
usa
12 posted 2003-08-25 09:45 PM


Your "time" piece inspired me...

Click

teenpoet
Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280
Michigan
13 posted 2003-09-04 10:08 AM


I like all your poetry I've read.  i don't think I've ever liked all the poetry by one author before.  You are good.  Don't stop.
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