Unintentional Judgment Day

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Dark Poetry #3

Unintentional Judgment Day

Mizraim
New Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 1
Mass., USA

0 posted 2003-05-31 09:32 AM

Hi, I'm new to the forums, this is a poem I wrote a couple of minutes ago...

Unintentional Judgment Day
By Adam Ahmed

When the sun falls, it will shatter
Like an oversize light bulb,

The Tanned Bodies,
Will scurry about,
With the same consternation
To if matter
Were a myth.

A shard for each person,
Each child of God,
While He scampers like a mother,
Trying to remove all the pieces.
The crude ladder
To Heaven, will be withdrawn.

As lightening is used
For makeshift light,
The sun’s gooey center
Will dissolve in the ocean water.

(True Optimists will drown themselves.)

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2003-05-31 07:48 PM

Welcome to Passions. Nice introduction of yourself.

Marilyn.

Brad Majors

Member Elite

since 2001-04-03

Posts 2647
Georgia

2 posted 2003-06-02 02:04 PM

interesting piece!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2003-06-02 03:21 PM

I like the darkness of this poem in particular... it reminds me somewhat of the Hopi prophecies. I like your choice of imagery and the way in which you made use of a little bit of vagueness (like any good prophet), and left it open to interpretation... particularly the ending, I think, is really interesting.

Very nicely done, welcome to piptalk. Check your email for a special greeting.

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

a_hollowman
Junior Member

since 2003-05-30

Posts 30
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

4 posted 2003-06-02 03:22 PM

Nice piece, though it seems you were rather quick to fetch some descriptions. Don't rush through your poetry, rather, you should let it flow. It may take some time to write but the outcome is spectacular. Nonetheless, this piece has great prowess at its core. The general theme of the Sun (possibly a relation to Heaven or to your own moral chaste) falling from on high is very keen and regards a very aesthetic and moral relation. Welcome to the Forums, and I look forward to seeing more from you!
-- a_hollowman

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