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Dark Poetry #3
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Like a Cow to Slaughter
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Like a Cow to Slaughter |
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ObeyYourGoldfish Junior Member
since 2003-05-18
Posts 12 |
I feel like a cow being led to slaughter I catch a glance of a knife and know you brought me here to lose my life I try to break free This isnt the way it should be I was taught to trust Yet here we are my meat you lust You want to rip me apart But first you stabbed me with a damn dart To murder my soul is your final goal My soul is cracking yet i dont know what im lacking I start to stumble finally i tumble I see the knife and know im gonna loose my life. You say Freak like it's a bad thing... |
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| © Copyright 2003 Breah Burton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
some clever things in here, but I would try to be less blunt and incorperate some metaphors, or at least similes. But first you stabbed me with a damn dart <--- i actually laughed out loud when i read that. it's funny. [This message has been edited by davidmerriman (05-28-2003 01:34 PM).] |
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aran Junior Member
since 2003-05-18
Posts 34 |
couplets... Pope would wince. It's ok, though. A little bland, but OK. |
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ObeyYourGoldfish Junior Member
since 2003-05-18
Posts 12 |
davidmerriman- glad you found that line amusing... glad to inspire laughter. In fact many people like that line, but never heard anyone say they laughed out loud at it... Good for you. aran- glad you thought it was ok, and thanks for being honest. Do you have suggestions to make it better?? let me know if you do. You say Freak like it's a bad thing... |
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