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Dark Poetry #3
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2003-05-22 08:25 AM




tissue
paper
delicate
wrapping up
the blood and veins
layers layering the skin
take the ribbons
satin spooled
freedom in
tissue


Know it is my shroud.



silks
are woven
wrapping up
the blood and veins
eat and sew and reap again
ribbons spooling
my disdain of
covering
of truth.


Within the shell is quickening.



beast
is mocking
wrapping up
the blood and veins
lines of blue apparency
pulsing quark of
my sustained
silences
of you.


I celebrate the pains of birth




© Copyright 2003 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
1 posted 2003-05-22 10:36 AM


You're a gift to Dark Poetry, m'lady.

And by that, I mean both the forum and just dark poetry in general.     LOVE your use of repetition, visual formatting, and the stand-alone lines that cut up the flow like that... really cool...

quote:
the blood and veins
eat and sew and reap again


Loved that part.  You're quite the talented woman, Serenity, and we're really blessed to have you here.

Blessed Be, Christ be with you, Namaste, Shalom, Buddha smiles and uh, Krishna gives ten thumbs up.

'Cause it's the intent that counts.  

Parasite

Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world.
~Percy Bysshe Shelley

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-05-22 04:51 PM


You are too patient with me. I was just experimenting with different devices here, but I appreciate your generous assessment. I think I just study form mostly to utilize the tools in my own way. You know ME, LP--gotta stretch those limits!

Thank you m'friend.

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
3 posted 2003-05-25 03:43 AM


Hey Karen  
I was just browsing through some of the other forums and happened upon you. I'm glad I did. I'm becoming quite fond of the different forms of poetry and I liked the way you did this one.
I liked the content and the form you wrote it with.

Well, I've got to go to bed. I'm sleepy.  

Hugs,  
Ethel

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
4 posted 2003-05-25 01:41 PM


now this is what I'm talking about..experiment all you like it still turns out bewitching...I feel like a groupie well without the well you know

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (05-25-2003 01:41 PM).]

ffpercent243
Junior Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 37
United Kingdom
5 posted 2003-05-25 05:38 PM


Love this poem, it has that magic quality to it.

If I am silent, it is because I am thinking, if I do not talk, please do not think I am rude.

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
6 posted 2003-05-26 02:48 AM


Hey witch! Didja notice that this has a "Shroud of Turin" thing goin' on as well?
RavenEye
Junior Member
since 2003-05-02
Posts 29
Ohio, USA
7 posted 2003-05-26 03:32 AM


Hi,

I like your poem. It flows very well. You have a great sense of imagery. Thanks for sharing this one.

Bye,

RavenEye

Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
8 posted 2003-05-29 02:35 PM


well done
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