»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #3
»
coffee shop
| Dark Poetry #3 |
|
coffee shop |
|
|
ljossberir Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 81Ny, USA 
|
I wrote this poem back when I was only 14 or so, and have never touched it since, so obviously it needs alot of revision and trimming. But, I still think its interesting. Coffee Shop matt keach Coffee Shop Matt Keach It’s a really nice day, the sun is shining This surely is the rainbow’s silver lining Ahh A shop… a Coffee shop I fall into an outdoor seat, tapping my thumbs to a live band’s beat “I’d like a coffee… milk and sugar, decaf…French vanilla.. nah, hazelnut..” I decipher the cryptic menu but the prices are way too steep “75 cents, here’s a dollar, the rest you can keep” I spot a chubby young boy with a grin that’s keen He leans over to clean his 2 wheeled machine This object seems so fresh and new Maybe it was a birthday gift, I think. He seems so pleased, I remember when a new bike would appease my childhood yearning. “Those were simpler times, but at least it is such a beautiful day.” His giddy fat hands caress the bike’s axel, little sandy dirt tracks lead to where he’s sitting. “Ahh thank you..” my coffee finally arrives. I sip as I watch the bluebirds play and enjoy the day in a planted maple tree admist the sidewalk. This young boy is so overjoyed with his brand new toy, it makes me content to see that there are still people who love life. He’s doing pop o wheelie’s and skidding on the pavement. It is such a beautiful time. “I’d like an apple pie..” I say, finding some extra quarters, “Sure..” the waitress replies “..isn’t it such a nice fine day?” “It is…” I say as she takes the order behind the counter. The kid is having so much fun, no longer has to run, he rides; so elated at the wheels between his thighs. A truck comes down the main street, coming really fast, but no one seems to care, annoyance is in the past. The driver seems I upset I think. The boy rides further, clink clink clink. Now the truck is coming faster and really before I know it, the boy’s blood is splattered on the cement and a crowd looks in shock as the nearly lifeless boy begins to rock back and forth in utter pain. It begins to rain, wiping some of the blood away. I look to the waitress. “It isn’t such a nice day, anymore.” My apple pie tastes good. |
||
| © Copyright 2003 K - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
peaceful_dreamer Member
since 2003-04-25
Posts 159SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW |
this is so good, and the outcome is totally unexpected. Try breaking it into stanzas, and i noticed the ryming wasn't through the whole thing. i'm almost speechless. you described everything so well, i could see it playing out in my head. great job! there are 2 ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it. -unknown |
||
|
qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
WoW, that was definately a shocker, I thought it was gonna have a happy ending & that you would give the boy the pie  Great job, I agree that it should rhyme all the way through or not at all, but I loved this anyway!!  I love the last line, you still enjoying your apple pie-lol--I hope this wasn't a true story! ELMO "No man is EVER worth my tears, and the one who is, will never make me cry!" |
||
|
ljossberir Member
since 2003-05-04
Posts 81Ny, USA |
its not true,lol. Well, I know what you mean.. im def. going to revise it, it was when I was 14 and had only just begun writing. At the time I had just finished reading Albert Camus' "The Stranger", and that was an influence on this piece (and especially the last few lines) Thanks for your comments! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
