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Dark Poetry #3
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Paragon
Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114


0 posted 2003-04-26 12:02 PM



The darkness shields him from prying eyes
and the light reveals those who tell him lies
The wind drowns out pleading cries
and lightning fills his body when enemies draw nigh

The very Earth trembles in his wake...

Chaos conforms to his need
and order becomes limitless and free
Fire gives him strength upon which to feed
and Ice dulls his emotions to commit the deed

He walks in vengeance...


© Copyright 2003 Paragon - All Rights Reserved
stupefied
Junior Member
since 2003-04-26
Posts 12
dead america
1 posted 2003-04-26 01:04 PM


that was great. i'd just like to give you one suggestion. i think it would sound a bit better if you took out the "and"s in the second, fourth, seventh and ninth lines. otherwise it's great.

"sticks and stones are hard on bones aimed with angry art...words can sting like anything but silence...SILENCE BREAKS THE HEART...

Lost_Soul
Junior Member
since 2003-04-17
Posts 37
California, United States
2 posted 2003-04-26 09:38 PM


That was really good but I agree it would sound better without all the "and"s
peaceful_dreamer
Member
since 2003-04-25
Posts 159
SoMeWhErE oVeR tHe RaInBoW
3 posted 2003-04-26 11:33 PM


I love this so much. It's really good.  You should be really proud of it!

peaceful_dreamer

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