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gpc
Junior Member

since 2003-03-01

Posts 43

0 posted 2003-03-01 10:54 AM

CELL FOR YOUR MIND

Fingers pressed cold,
Against the hard metal.
White blood pushed to the tips,
Of ten arid plains.

Mind was racing,
But that was years ago,
Tears ago.
When you could think.

The waste of your forced consumerism,
Lies scattered across the prison,
They told you to lock yourself into.
"For your own well being".

But there was,
"No need to panic".
You heard as the eye,
Turned white.

White explosion,
White noise,
White heat,
Black burning.

It rained inside and out,
Trying to drink your tears.
Hiding from the cries,
Of the firery fall's victims.

You want those ten digits to feel,
More than what's inside you.
You want those eyes to see,
More than what's inside you.

You want your mind to feel,
Closed inside the outside.
So you decide to die inside your cage,
For your leaders.

Fariegirl
Member

since 2003-02-05

Posts 147

1 posted 2003-03-01 12:22 PM

good but a little comfusing, continue writing, you're good.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

2 posted 2003-03-01 01:48 PM

(big hugggssssss) I too have been locked in this metaphysical asylum before, dearest friend, this is a very dark debut but you express the vision so clear from behind the white, God Bless You, I send angel hugs your way and my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

3 posted 2003-03-01 08:52 PM

it is a little bit confusing but keep it up

~Every girl has a dream within.

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

4 posted 2003-03-01 09:06 PM

yep yep yep

"But that was years ago,
Tears ago."

Good, very good.

Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
Nil Desperandum, Fata viem invenient

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

5 posted 2003-03-02 11:01 AM

mmm this is good... hard, cold, fearing.. dark. But good, very good. I like it.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

gpc
Junior Member

since 2003-03-01

Posts 43

6 posted 2003-03-02 01:15 PM

well i have to say i dont write obvious things. its not meant to be inherently confusing but its meant to be more thought provoking. i love to see what other interpretations people have of my work as they are often completely different to why i wrote and it and more often than not, an even better explanation for it!

Jason Lyle
Senior Member

since 2003-02-07

Posts 1438
With my darkling

7 posted 2003-03-02 05:17 PM

I like this, and if I am reading it right its about the prison of " what they told you to be".At least thats how I read it.
Nice work.
Jason

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

8 posted 2003-03-03 12:08 PM

yes, a message here indeed. I like.

Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
Nil Desperandum, Fata viem invenient

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

9 posted 2003-03-03 09:47 AM

Just a little 'confuddling' I kind of felt you were a 'Prisoner of Self' and that your cell was self-made.

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

10 posted 2003-03-03 09:50 AM

Good write, though. Just came back to vote, forgot first time in.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

11 posted 2003-03-03 11:10 AM

Thought provoking would be my words to describe this...
Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

12 posted 2003-03-08 03:59 PM

I got a bit confused but could be my age

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Aretha Franklin

gpc
Junior Member

since 2003-03-01

Posts 43

13 posted 2003-03-09 04:53 PM

i try to be confusing. makes people think

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

14 posted 2003-03-17 07:18 PM

I see it as relevant today - we do what our leaders tell us to do. Suffer the consequences for them. I like it...and I get to vote for it!

Alicethruglass
Member

since 2001-06-19

Posts 368

15 posted 2003-03-20 07:58 PM

I felt like Spirit that you were a 'Prisoner of Self'

very interesting work...I actually would like to save it and reread it for more depth
perception

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

16 posted 2003-03-20 11:05 PM

Wow, this is incredible. It gets my vote.

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

17 posted 2003-03-23 11:32 AM

Just a bump.

gpc
Junior Member

since 2003-03-01

Posts 43

18 posted 2003-03-29 03:44 PM

woohoo! a bump

thanks for the comments guys. u can check out more of my stuff at http://darkened.mine.nu/poetry/

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