Haven't posted in awhile...#^_^#

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D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

0 posted 2003-01-05 01:28 AM

I also didn't want to be greedy, so I'll post my two newest favourite pieces on one "slot." Lemme know what you think of either/both...I need help with my work, and I need all that I can get. Thanks!

----------------------------------------------------

"Pale Little Fingers"

Pale little fingers
Touch my skin
Caress my lips
They enter me
With a strong scent
That awakens my mind
Fills my world

These little fingers
Adorn my clothing
Form a layer of skin
Across my body
Their warm breathe
Mingling with mine

Small fingers
Press against my eyes
And leave me
Breathless

"With Eternal Grace"

(Editor's note: I just wrote this, so I haven't had time to edit it completely. Sorry and all.)

Filling my vision
With calm pleasure
Touching my skin
With soft knives
Kissing my lips
With eternal grace
Pressing into my body
Forming a new me
It curves amongst mine
Emptying its soul
Into my world
Soothing and exciting
Erotic and dying
With eternal grace

----------------------------------------------------

So...yeah.

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer."

LADY_DEATH
Member

since 2002-11-29

Posts 105
Fl

1 posted 2003-01-05 08:36 AM

Welcome Back!i liked this piece.Especially the "Pale fingers"

leafseranade
Member

since 2001-07-06

Posts 118
Wisconsin, USA

2 posted 2003-01-05 11:09 PM

I don't know if this is what you saw...but the in your first poem I saw a baby. For some reason "pale little fingers" brought an image of a baby's hand against an adults. The comparison. How small and innocent a baby's hand is, how small and innocent a baby is...no way to communicate except grab your attention through just how different, just how fragile a life is when you have no control.

D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

3 posted 2003-01-05 11:21 PM

Wow...that's a total reversal about what I wrote about, but I can definitely see what you mean. The piece is one of my few anti-smoking bits, and the "little fingers" are the trails of smoke coming from a lit cigarette that the narrator is around. However, I left this piece open for interpretation, and I've gotten quite a few different responses (i.e. yours!). It's a pretty odd piece, I guess.

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer."

jjote
Senior Member

since 2002-12-25

Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2003-01-06 11:29 AM

I must confess I too saw a baby image, although I got confused when you described it as "pale and little", unless the fingers were those of a dainty lady. Maybe you could insert 1 or 2 lines that will connect them to smoke rings??
But I got absorbed following the "fingers"..

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

5 posted 2003-01-17 05:55 AM

I too thought baby and fragile, but both images work well. Quite a touching write.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

SPIRIT
Senior Member

since 2002-12-29

Posts 1745
California Desert

6 posted 2003-01-20 07:59 PM

Alright! I confess I also saw the baby thing. Very interesting writes, I enjoyed.

Happiness comes from kindness.
Happiness cannot come from hatred or anger.
Dalai Lama

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