Dark Poetry #3 |
IDi4LuvzIm-eg |
Amaranthine Member
since 2002-10-06
Posts 61ON Canada |
Alone I rot Alone I burn alone I scream as seasons turn Alone I beg Alone I moan and writhe to own even 1 of your gnawed bones Moan and turn within my arms chained inside tonites bounds still I know when morning cums away again your favor bounds Wreck me Kill me roast me BURN And still . to hope of . Love . I . turn . . . |
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© Copyright 2002 Brian Jones - All Rights Reserved | |||
PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
I enjoyed this. Somewhat demented, but it holds much value. The style in which you write, is one I've never read before. (not that all poetry is the same..) Expect me to be reading more of you. "Drink the bleach as if it were water" |
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Succubus Member
since 2002-09-30
Posts 82Canada, Ontario |
Well... another piece to add to my private library... Beautifuly done, something we can all relate to... well, some of us... Now where did I leave that darn bone again??????? Succubus Better to have 10% of something than a 100% of nothing. |
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Amaranthine Member
since 2002-10-06
Posts 61ON Canada |
Thanks to you both. I have also enjoyed what I have read of you! Oh and Goddess... 'somewhat' demented? And there I was sure I was all the way there! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked the poem. It was written nicely. Hope to read more from you. This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
Oh definately one of the "demented ones ...*chuckles* No, I thought that this one turned out petty well. The only thing I thought you could have done with this is forget the repetition and place the verbs on their own like you did with the rest of the words, but with varied positions. Eg: "Alone I rot burn scream as seasons turn beg moan and writhe to own even 1 of your gnawed bones" Loved the way you wrote this, including the ending. Well done Are you scared? BOO! Are you now? |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
I love your "gothy" style of writing. I especially loved the rather freakish feeling of the lines Moan and turn within my arms Your ending was well done. You might have spelled come properly though, unless you are trying to make some point that escapes me through its current spelling as "cum". Also you started off with a nice sounding rhythm, almost a chant. You strayed from this. Perhaps it was your intention to do so, but for me it did less justice to your otherwise will written poem. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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