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Dark Poetry #3
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Amaranthine
Member
since 2002-10-06
Posts 61
ON Canada

0 posted 2002-10-10 07:48 PM



Dank the heap was, hot and dank
Hot and dark like we were, hot and dark like we are

Drawn like flies they were, landed on sticky shadows of false acceptance and security-only one in ten - maybe to become as one of us

friends by word and necessity, ruled by the cruelest by the basest laws of greed, so don't remind the two of us of our lack of human need

trapped on purpose in the dim, aching addiction to the sim -much too big for darkened halls glowing bright despite gaudily pointlessly painted walls

and under the rot I sat, grew fat, watched it upsidedown and wrongside out, feeling my old heart slowly picked apart by worms I swallowed in the dark

each day the pain became as less and less, still there (perhaps) yet muted by the point of view I switched to, and then -then I die to be rebirthed

not unlike the phoenix born pure in self-inflicted fire, not unlike still not quite like that bird of flame-slain plumage, roasted foul on a pyre

for MY rebirth was slow and hidden, langorous
I lay so long alone beneath the compost heap I scraped up of rotten bone and bits of discard me

Dank the heap was, hot and dank
Hot and dark like we were hot and dark like they are



© Copyright 2002 Brian Jones - All Rights Reserved
Succubus
Member
since 2002-09-30
Posts 82
Canada, Ontario
1 posted 2002-10-11 10:17 AM


This is truly an amazing piece.  Your choice of words made me hypnotized by every line.  I'll definately add this one to my private library.
Kisses,
Succubus

Better to have 10% of something than a 100% of nothing.

Sikanda
Member
since 2002-10-08
Posts 54

2 posted 2002-10-11 02:05 PM


amazing.....great use of words!
Opeth
Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543
The Ravines
3 posted 2002-10-11 02:19 PM


Very interesting, indeed. I enjoyed the read, although I am somewhat confused about what if any point you are making.
Amaranthine
Member
since 2002-10-06
Posts 61
ON Canada
4 posted 2002-10-11 09:53 PM


This poem may seem confusing and/or confused, yet is guided only by my very specific artifice.  It is about a house I once lived in and the people with whom I shared it; and, mainly, about the transformations I went through during that time.  Thanks for your comments and compliments, I have been checking out your works as well.

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
5 posted 2002-11-01 02:33 AM


I found the reference to the phenoix as a "roasted foul".

I normally don't like repetition much, but the repeated lines brought this full circle and gave more to it then it would have been without it.

Nicely done...

Are you scared?                            BOO! Are you now?

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