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Dark Poetry #3
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2002-09-29 08:12 AM


Look closely now
at the glass--
perhaps you see a fingerprint?
Several imprints
lingering
clawing
for a favored glance?
Read between the lines
my friends
squint and see
the bubbles rise
my words are but
my lung in burst--
I drown in verse
before your eyes.

© Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

1 posted 2002-09-29 09:00 AM


I am seldom disappointed by your poems, Serenity, and this is no exception.  Was this
Read between the lines
my friends

a hint at interpretation?  lol.  In any case I was quite impressed by your implicit metaphor of something akin to a house, which you used to demonstrate entrapment in the lack of approval from others.  I also liked the latter "half" of the poem, after the verse I mentioned earlier, in which you made use of imagery suggesting something similar to pneumonia to describe your "drown[ing] in verse."

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
2 posted 2002-09-29 03:04 PM


effervescence
caresses
lips
crescent

air
need
air
feed
fair
fate
inundate

plane

D edgar Grey
Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)
3 posted 2002-09-29 03:29 PM


Cannot help but concur with what they said. Am astounded by the pain in this short piece...enjoyed very much! Still trying to interpret its many meanings....

"cherry blossoms"

Floating to the ground
Light pink in your soft colour
End my memories

WhileIWasGone
Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486

4 posted 2002-09-29 03:29 PM


Great work....enjoyed very much.


H.

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
5 posted 2002-09-29 04:58 PM


If you've not drown'd yet....

Maybe hope, Huh?


Great, witch

~Ed

Purity
Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526
Once Upon, USA
6 posted 2002-09-30 02:16 AM


Geeeesus...I just responded to one of BS's poems and had to use the term "between the lines" and then I read this one?
I am gonna freak for a few, so wish me well. If you could join me, it'd be a most incredibly weird festivity!
Apart from that total kowinky-dink of deja vu freakiness (not unlike "When A Stranger Calls Back" lol), this one anhilated my senses, and you deserve congrats for such a feat. Wow....

{Spending the rest of the night in one-eye-brow-lower-than-the-other-one contemplation.}

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

7 posted 2002-09-30 08:58 AM


I want to thank all for your kind and generous replies---and this was one of those things that I wasn't sure what was gonna come out--I just kept imagining seeing fingers pressing against the screen trying to get OUT...lol (medication time?)

and Purity? *chuckle @ yer reply* I've been "freaking" for about three decades now!

Love to all! Thank you.

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

8 posted 2002-09-30 03:35 PM


Breath control
gone to drown.

Damn, sen....

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

9 posted 2002-09-30 04:36 PM


Look closely now
at the glass--
perhaps you see a fingerprint?
Several imprints
lingering
hmmm... nicely done as usual my friend.. the first part here being my favorite as it made me think of something unrelated to your poem, but an interesting tweak of mind none the less..

enjoyed... now get the dust rag out and wipe down those glasses... don't be leaving prints around for people to find

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
10 posted 2003-08-10 03:15 AM


you are the epitome of beauty K . . .

my words are but
my lung in burst--

these lines are quite amazing
xxoo

Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
11 posted 2003-08-10 03:28 AM


I, too, am never disappointed by your continually amazing writes.

Great work, great in every sense.


Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
12 posted 2003-08-10 09:47 AM


I have decided we need a "Serenity Blaze" forum...so I don't have to go looking...I need to talk to Ron about that..

"Several imprints
lingering
clawing
for a favored glance?"

My favorite lines...and it was hard picking. God Karen, I really love your mind.

Susan



Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
13 posted 2003-08-10 03:37 PM


God k, this one crawls through me..amazing as always this could be my favourite..of many favurites
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

14 posted 2003-08-10 06:42 PM


Wow.

This is kind of like coming across an old photo--

smiles to Susie, you been rummaging again!

thanks all--and yes, I'm always startled to see these surface again.

I curtsey.

You all humble me with your kindness.

devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
15 posted 2003-08-11 12:54 PM


Miss you sissy...did you ever get my last email? (tappin my damn foot so hard I might have stepped on rat tail***)

Loved this oldie I must have missed during move n all..

Love you sweet one...and? a visit is long overdue me thinks to remind you...

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



blackhalo
Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467
Denver, CO
16 posted 2003-08-12 05:11 PM


This made me tilt my head and smile.  Intense and intruiging!

"Courage is most readily gained by the desire to avoid looking like a d***ed fool!"  :P

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
17 posted 2003-08-13 03:34 AM


This piece has several meanings indeed.  And its got a kind of creepy feel to it.  Nice work.  Very entertaining.  

GIS

a trickle of music from a well
let it spill and roar like hell!

{Lord knows Im a VOODOO CHILD}-JIMI

Lexia
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 111
Nowhere
18 posted 2003-08-13 11:53 AM


Very interesting. Mean o many things to different people. Great write.

Lex

You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

19 posted 2003-08-13 11:15 PM


Wow.

Ya'll make me wanna come back to the Dark.

So sweet of you guys to be so generous.

giggle?

Methinks I should stay in the dark where I am understood.

Hugs and love to all.

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