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Dark Poetry #3
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serenity dreams of fevered sleep
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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serenity dreams of fevered sleep |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I swooned upon awakening-- my feet too numb to find the floor... remembering a time portal of vivid green plasticene grasses waving in the wind topped with spires of lavender and breeze that smiled with mother's love watching children play-- in a distant place and time I noticed it was you and me, but the not way we are today-- my hair was blonde by grace of sun-- our skin was bronzed by carefree rhyme of journey's endless days of time games of paradise, encore... free, just free, in moments now that somehow happened NOW and then. You ran ahead toward the wood with just a creek of boundary but I had grown a foot of leg and startled you with game of chase-- so you ran for covered leaves for hide and seek amongst the trees. I watched you, with the grace of stag-- sure hoof on the slippery rock you hopped in perfect pirhouette and turned to me to mock knowing I would not concede-- I tried the same, and lost my grip, falling backward in the wash, my face was pissed embarrassment as I heard you laugh out loud hands on hip in glee... in the water then I found a stone that fit hand's symmetry-- without a hesitation then the huntress aimed and caught her game-- square between the eyes. Then my turn to laugh out loud, even still in damp of creek. I saw your eyes affrontery and felt a twinge of some unease. Oh yes, you charged and straddled me there within the wash of creek-- I closed my eyes awaiting death-- but then? you kissed me--honey sweet... I saw you smile in victory. I smiled too--glad of defeat. And then the fever broke. |
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| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Damn! Can't even count on a fever dream. Well, sounded like it was a fine feverish frolic. This was better'n good, witch. ~Ed |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
I just LOVE this sis!! It is SO SO you and it's beautiful!!! "my face was pissed embarrassment"- have had this one many of times...and aaron has the nicks to prove it!! grins. this was an excellent trip into you Karen!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, I must say. But I really liked the imagery. I noticed you were working with an iambic rhythm. It did make the poem a little too forced, for me, in certain parts. Especially in this line: I watched you, with the grace of stag-- I might have changed this to I watched you, with the grace of a stag-- That, IMHO, would not have taken much from the overall rhythm of the piece. Anyhow, other than that, this was, as is usually the case with your writing, quite a marvelous piece. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
yanno frac? that line bugs me too--but only because ownership of just who has the grace of stag is questionable...and I am quite amazed at any mention of meter--giggling? was quite an accident if it's so--don't know diddly 'bout that stuff. I was just trying to get the dream down before it faded. I'd love to say it was poetic device? but naw...it really was a dream, and blech, I still have the fever, so...hello I must be going...I'm still feeling pretty rotten, but thank you--I will hopefully be able to come back to read in the morn.  Thanks m'sis...and I checked the yahoo...still nothing? hmmmm....I could have done one of those drunken delete things too...hey, what can I say? IT HAPPENS.  love yaEd...thank you as well, and yep, I'm going back to couch...dreams are the only good thing about fever, and I don't wanna miss any of the movies, yanno?  |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Sen, Such beauty of thought and dream, here. It made me sad, in a good way. Thank you for sharing this. (now to rip a new one with "Insubordinate eyes )Mikey |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
oh why did the fver break? was it the vivid dream or the talent of the dreamer that brought this tableau to life you know my answer you are a wonder can i read your fever fervor forever? fervently, brine |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
brine? *licking salty lips* |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Now wasn't this a gem? Lady I hope you post your dreams more often, however, for some reason this one left me kind of with a sad feeling for some reason. But your choice of words in your images were very "Serenity", and isn't nice to be known as something very "Serenity"? Enjoyed! The most valuable thing you own is a smile, wear it, and share it. |
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