Untitled Part 2 - pipTalk Forums

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Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

0 posted 2002-09-01 04:37 AM

From "Untitled" /pip/Forum46/HTML/002516.html

Untitled Part 2

The queen was in her treasury room, I say
Where she plated my head in gold
It was very special to her, you see
For I was her very first beheading

She never failed to flaunt me off, I say
To all her royal guests
They gawked and the squawked at me, you see
For I was quite the sight

She replaced my eyes with glass, I say
Centered with fine emeralds
She kept me quite clean and polished, you see
For I was worth so much

She put high on a pedestal, I say
And visited me everyday
Boy did she have a lot to say, you see
For I think she was beginning to feel guilt

One day she was feeling mean, I say
She came in with a huff and a puff
She glared ever so fierce, you see
For she had something left to say

Her voice rose in anger, I say
And she looked me strait in the eye
She poked my golden head and said, you see
"You are the reason they all hate me!"

Well I was not about to take the blame, I say
And all the yellin' and a-pokin'
I think I frightened the poor dear to death, you see
For the last thing she heard was "boo!"

-Tanya

(Well I thought that the first of this, deserved a second part.I dont know call me strange.I have to admit its not as good as the first, but then again "seconds" of anything normally arent in my opinion.I'd love to hear your thoughts!!!)

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

[This message has been edited by Dragon Mistress (09-02-2002 12:36 AM).]

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

1 posted 2002-09-01 06:44 AM

Seems to me, that you had been "mulling over" the first one for a while, before actually writing it down. (editing in your head). Maybe this one would benefit from the same attention.
I like it, it just seemed less polished than part I.

Keep goin Tanya. Yours, is a different sort of voice in here.

~wranx

In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward".

~wranx~

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

2 posted 2002-09-03 12:32 PM

Hey Tanya,
When the eyes are glass,
tears are trapped behind them.

Shining.

(sheesh, I keep getting poem ideas!)

Mike

Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

3 posted 2002-09-03 01:58 PM

Thank you Wranx! I'll certainly keep that in mind!!
Mike, I'm glad that I can inspire you! Or is that a bad thing? Dont wanna be overwhelmed ya know!
-One being dragged away to the block (school) in only 19 hours, Tanya

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

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