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D edgar Grey
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)

0 posted 2002-08-27 01:59 PM

I'm new here, and I would really appreciate your help with my stuff. Please be totally honest with what you say--I take criticism very easily and have no problems with it. Anyway, please enjoy!

"a simple wish"

Let my breath fade in silence
Let my tears cease to fall
Let my mind darken in peace
And let my body become none at all

Let my pain finally die
Let my heart slow to none
Let my dreams fade as always
For I have dreamt my final one

Let the light dim from my soul
For my words remain without sound
Let the world forget me now
And place my ashes in the ground

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

1 posted 2002-08-27 02:00 PM

Hi welcome! I really liked your poem, hope to see more from you soon.

~*Azi*~

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

2 posted 2002-08-27 02:03 PM

Welcome to PiP and the "Dark" Forum. I found nothing to criticize in this, D. Edgar.
Thought it was just fine.

~wranx

In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward".

~wranx~

Dragon Mistress
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 289
Washington, USA.

3 posted 2002-08-27 04:24 PM

Welcome welcome!!! Great work. I enjoyed it very much!!

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

MomentzBefore
Junior Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 31

4 posted 2002-08-27 04:42 PM

Hi and welcome!!! Good writtin....specially da ending.

-Lot's of hugs-

leafseranade
Member

since 2001-07-06

Posts 118
Wisconsin, USA

5 posted 2002-08-27 05:42 PM

Hi. Welcome to Passions, DEG! Enjoyed your work. Keep it coming.

[This message has been edited by leafseranade (08-27-2002 05:42 PM).]

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

6 posted 2002-08-27 06:10 PM

Hi and Welcome to the dark side of the moon. I enjoyed the poem and wouldn't change a thing.

I said so softly
twas lost amid.
A whisper gone
thought now dim.

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

7 posted 2002-08-28 12:16 PM

Hey!

Welcome to Passions.
I really liked your poem, and found nothing to be wrong with it.

Hope you enjoy your stay, and continue posting in 'dark'.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2002-08-28 06:51 AM

Hello and Welcome to Passions, D edgar! I think you are going to become a fine writer, if this is one of your examples. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound

WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

9 posted 2002-08-28 09:14 AM

Beautiful...enjoyed very much.

DeaDiAmore

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

10 posted 2002-08-28 02:26 PM

D edgar,

Welcome.

I like yr start.

Mike

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

11 posted 2002-08-28 04:38 PM

Loved your beginning...

hope to see more from you!!! Found this just a bit late...but was worth it friend...

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

12 posted 2002-08-30 03:42 PM

Welcome to dark ( a little late

)
I enjoyed this much and its a good first post

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

MidnightSon
Member

since 2002-05-15

Posts 312
between the gutter & the stars

13 posted 2002-08-31 04:25 AM

welcome edgar
this was an interesting poem.
most people wish to be remembered for their lives when they die...
i kind of dread being forgotten, myself.
you are truly seeking the peace promised with death...
unique perspective indeed.
dig it.

it's our struggle for identity that leaves us all unknown

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