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bsquirrel
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since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855


0 posted 2002-08-19 01:39 PM



I started this 12-part poem in April, but never came close to finishing it. I used to send it out to friends -- except for Lori, I didn't get much input on it, and one person even said he'd rather see it in prose format, so that sort of killed my enthusiasm for the project I was undertaking.

It's a 12-parter based on a dream I had. The dream is long since extinguished in my mind, but at least I wrote down copious notes while the colors were still fresh and sea-breezy. Whatever that means.

So, here's part I. If you like it, I might post more. Maybe I'll do one a week for twelve weeks? A Dark exclusive?

Sure.

Mike

1. The Lady Watches Bees

Lady Diastonene
watches bees
in the April latticework.

Since a girl,
their murmered song
fills her up with sky.

Grasp of leaves,
the fall long back,
the sun a swimming light.

Through wintertime,
the burning white
upon her face, her eyes.

Now color blooms
across the trees,
across the yard and gate.

Oak tree rough,
the ridged bark
holds their shining face.

In eager buzz,
shadows flit
against the winter screen.

Wiry yarn, small fired suns
full of song
and sweet.

She steps with hope
to apple reach
fallen by a tree.

Runs back in
the dusty house
before golden darts
can sting.

© Copyright 2002 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
1 posted 2002-08-19 01:49 PM


wow that was some dream.

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

Anvrill
Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710
in the interzone now
2 posted 2002-08-19 01:53 PM


Finally!!!!

Baby, even if you never finish it, this will forever be my favourite.

Just how it moves, the pensive, held-back feeling... The images I get are Edward Gorey-esque, only with tons more dark.

I love you love you love you, baby.

Y'd better eventually finish this!

I'll hold the finishing of Kissably on ransom 'till you do.

Nah, don't think I have control over that. Damn.

i'll be waiting for you
do exactly what you're told

jm

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
3 posted 2002-08-19 01:53 PM


squirrel dude,
I don't know why anyone would think this would benefit from being written as prose.
'Course I don't really know what prose actually is, but nonetheless, this seems poetry to me.
I'll wait for others, this tasted fine.

~wranx


In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward".      

~wranx~

[This message has been edited by wranx (08-19-2002 01:54 PM).]

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
4 posted 2002-08-20 12:07 PM


and this has twelve parts?!?
kinda like waiting for LotR2&3
yes yes post them all!
lots of light in this,
as in the dreamer
brian

I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-08-21 11:56 AM


I'll post them all once I write them all.

Basically, I have parts 1 through 5 completely done, then fragments until 12, which is also completely done. Oops...

I'm glad you're all enjoying these words.

Mike

As patterns seem to form
I feel it cold and warm.
-Joy Division

WhileIWasGone
Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486

6 posted 2002-08-21 01:21 PM


These are so good....I love them.

DeaDiAmore

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

7 posted 2002-08-22 11:54 AM


Glad you're enjoyin', DDA.
Dragon Mistress
Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 289
Washington, USA.
8 posted 2002-08-28 04:17 PM


Yay! It all makes so much sense now!! Thank you for posting these!! I cant wait to read from 8 to the last!

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

9 posted 2002-08-28 04:19 PM


To 2. The Lord Checks the Doors /pip/Forum46/HTML/002435.html
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

10 posted 2002-08-28 04:20 PM


Thanks for reading, Dragon Mistress.
wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
11 posted 2003-07-18 11:17 PM


Bumping these too Mikey!
devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
12 posted 2003-07-25 03:46 AM


seems I've some MAJOR catchin up to do
(and I do hold you just as responsible as Ed! )

Good to read you again me Mikey!

~the long lost D

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
13 posted 2003-07-25 12:11 PM


I'd been meaning to read this since I first saw the titles in your post history.  Guess now's as good a time as any.

At any rate, yes, I did love this poem.  The imagery is vivid and powerful while remaining equally twisted and outworldly to give it the dreamlike feel.  I imagine even if you hadn't told us this was a dream, it would still be quite evident.

You remembered it like a dream is remembered, too, and that's the unique part... piece by piece, small image by small image, a little history for the character, and then a brief action.

This style, I really like... think I'll go read the next one sometime soon.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
14 posted 2003-07-26 03:12 PM


Mikey - I have been reading them - I will reply when I am done heh . . .
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