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Dark Poetry #3
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beccymelling
Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31
Birmingham, England

0 posted 2002-08-11 02:07 PM


My roots
Bound like bonsai
Confined in denial
As they callously pruned my personality.

I reached for the light
They butchered my branches
No nurture –
The loveless gardeners planted This seed.

My stunted emotions
Burnt twigs
Left on the shelf
For all to see – Look At Me!

What you see is what you get.
There is nothing else left.


© Copyright 2002 Rebecca Melling - All Rights Reserved
StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679
Texas
1 posted 2002-08-11 02:20 PM


I really liked this piece- it's imagery was great you've got me imagining what kind of tree I'd be.  (maybe a weeping willow ? LOL)
The last two lines kind of threw me though... I'm not sure I'd change them I kind of like them just thought the imagery and feeling up to this point was evoking a more powerful ending

beccymelling
Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31
Birmingham, England
2 posted 2002-08-11 02:41 PM


hi StarrGazer

Thanks for your reply and comments.

A bit stumped now...trying to think of a better ending!

Its great to have these things pointed out, its hard to be objective towards something you are close to.

If you have any suggestions for a better ending, please feel free!

Beccy

Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
3 posted 2002-08-11 06:34 PM


I like them but dont sell your self short tho

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

beccymelling
Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31
Birmingham, England
4 posted 2002-08-11 08:45 PM


Thanks Moondust
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