Dark Poetry #3 |
Dark Fortress |
StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
The dark fortress that I’ve erected Around my soul Is my line of defense- My means to keep me whole In the tower, there’s a maiden Just waiting to let down her hair But when her prince does not come She’ll act as though she doesn’t care The drawbridge is quite rusty From neglect and lack of use Because it learned long ago not to trust- It only leads to abuse The river that flows around this fortress Filled with salty tears Contains shards of lost hope, Broken dreams, and fears And, I the creator have realized- Much too late I’ve locked myself inside To fester with hate I’ve built the walls so strong Nothing gets in or out ‘A prisoner of my own making’ My brain’s echoing shout So I roam through my dark fortress Lost and all alone And think what I’d have done Differently- if I had only known One of these days the wall will crumble Though I fear it will be to late There is only so long you can tease love Before it turns to hate |
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© Copyright 2002 Shan Crider - All Rights Reserved | |||
beccymelling Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31Birmingham, England |
Hi Stargazer. Poignant stuff. The double-edged sword of self-defence mechanisms. I really enjoyed this. My only suggestion would be: (Because) it learned long ago not to trust -> The length of this line jarred the rhythm in my opinion. Thanks for sharing Beccy. |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
Beccy, Thanks for responding. You are right of course I will have to change that line. Thanks again Shan |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
I do that sometimes takes a long time for me to let my garud down. But you do it so well If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come? |
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