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Dark Poetry #3
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StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679
Texas

0 posted 2002-08-10 12:57 PM



The dark fortress that I’ve erected
Around my soul
Is my line of defense-
My means to keep me whole

In the tower, there’s a maiden
Just waiting to let down her hair
But when her prince does not come
She’ll act as though she doesn’t care

The drawbridge is quite rusty
From neglect and lack of use
Because it learned long ago not to trust-
It only leads to abuse

The river that flows around this fortress
Filled with salty tears
Contains shards of lost hope,
Broken dreams, and fears

And, I the creator have realized-
Much too late
I’ve locked myself inside
To fester with hate

I’ve built the walls so strong
Nothing gets in or out
‘A prisoner of my own making’
My brain’s echoing shout

So I roam through my dark fortress
Lost and all alone
And think what I’d have done
Differently- if I had only known

One of these days the wall will crumble
Though I fear it will be to late
There is only so long you can tease love
Before it turns to hate


© Copyright 2002 Shan Crider - All Rights Reserved
beccymelling
Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31
Birmingham, England
1 posted 2002-08-10 01:09 PM


Hi Stargazer.

Poignant stuff. The double-edged sword of self-defence mechanisms. I really enjoyed this. My only suggestion would be:

(Because) it learned long ago not to trust -> The length of this line jarred the rhythm in my opinion.

Thanks for sharing

Beccy.

StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679
Texas
2 posted 2002-08-11 02:13 PM


Beccy,

     Thanks for responding.  You are right of course I will have to change that line. Thanks again

Shan

Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
3 posted 2002-08-11 07:15 PM


I do that sometimes takes a long time for me to let my garud down. But you do it so well

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

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