Dark Poetry #3 |
Cold and alone |
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I posted this yesterday in Dark, then chickened out, erased it, and posted a bunch of reposts instead. Here it is again. Might as well be honest, huh? I only felt like this until I wrote the poem, then I felt measurably better. Two interesting facts before reading this: 1) A pulsar is a dead neutron star that continues to spin, emitting X-rays with each spin. 2) Stellar endpoint = death of a star. Mike Cold and alone Pulsar turns away in mid-drift, winking back its cold gray eye. No diamond speck in twilight's haze. Distance is a negative heat. X-ray among atmosphere. Do you see me in my chair? I'm writing again. I'm sipping some heat. Stellar endpoint, small and neat. |
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PoeticGoddessOfDepression Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439I am everywhere |
I think I've read this already... Anyway, it's still wonderful. Guess you didn't chicken out fast enough. Sara |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, Sara. I remember your reply. Thanks for taking the time to read it again. Mike |
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beccymelling Junior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 31Birmingham, England |
Cold and alone Pulsar turns away in mid-drift, winking back its cold gray eye. No diamond speck in twilight's haze. Distance is a negative heat. X-ray among atmosphere. Do you see me in my chair? I'm writing again. I'm sipping some heat. Stellar endpoint, small and neat. Hi. I really loved the imagery of this piece, the personification of stars "winking back its cold gray eye." - fantastic line. Whilst i appreciate the strengths of the comparisons you make between the cold / heat, the only issue I really have with this poem is the repetition of heat, it works well in each instance, but both in such a small space (no pun intended) jars a little with my reading. Well written, beautiful imagery....what else can I say? Beccy |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
bsquirrel....This is absolutely great...I'm happy you decided to post it. Pulsar turns away in mid-drift, winking back its cold gray eye. No diamond speck in twilight's haze. WOW I'm in awe...I wish I had written this... DeaDiAmore |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Hi, Beccy. Thanks for your opinion. When I first started posting to PIP, which was about 10 years after I started writing poetry, I used to try and use a different word each and every time, so you wouldn't get repetitions of words like "heat." But now, I've eased up and let it slide every now and again. I can see why that might cause some problems in the same-word filter. But I also wrote "negative heat" and "heat." So really, negative heat is sort of the cold continuing, or a heat so small, you can't even feel it. While "heat" was simply me drinking some tea, to bring some warmth to my body. Not that that makes this a very good poem. But it's honest. DDA, thanks! You're too kind to me. Mike |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
The "wink" in this is very apt as you know. The Pulsar appears as a giant lighthouse beacon. Nice write Squirrel dude. ~wranx The shortest distance between two points... |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
Ahh very nicely written. For a long time I've been searching for someone that can bring such a simple facet of the world to life. You've done it very well. Couldn't pick out a favourite line - they all run together so well. Thanks for the read. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
klew didnt read it he first time. its very interesting tho. If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come? |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
*our honest moderator* ~sighs~ haven't I told you before- not to hesitate!!! This is beautiful!!! and I'd like to be sippin some COLD air right about now...mighty hot up here, 'magine you're getting some of this Cali sun too... I hate summer now fall- shall be excitin... Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks for readin'. And yes, it's hot. |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
I'm glad you reposted this, with all its innuendo its a stunning piece. Kethry Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, Kethry. |
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