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Dark Poetry #3
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Inferno
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Inferno |
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CSKpoet Senior Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 845Island in Paradise 
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Shards of words smashed against a wall, an exploding nova of raw emotions that had once been a systemized order of frangible letters, Cataclysmic dispersion Fiery projectiles of quasar syllables scatter haphazardly, littering sterile tile floor.. Cold, bloody rivulets of anger run thickly red to create a dark, staining puddle, seeping deep into cracks. Poetry is: |
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| © Copyright 2002 Cheryl Stewart Koomoa - All Rights Reserved | |||
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Though the last stanza gave me pause (PIP guidelines don't allow gore or self-harm), I'm going to instead take this as metaphor, not as fact, and leave it be. I love all the space imagery in this. Nothing as lonely and beautiful and dwarfing as that. That's the other thing that gives me pause on this. I don't feel the last stanza connects to the previous ones. It's gone from dead stars to red anger. Maybe a transition stanza in-between? Well, whatever you do with it, I enjoyed, and am glad t' see you posting here. Mike "I fall into your arms." [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (08-07-2002 12:26 PM).] |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
I like this...and I can relate. Enjoyed DeaDiAmore |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey... I'm going to argue with bsquirrel here - why do you feel it needs a transition stanza to work? I don't think every poem needs to be smooth...sometimes the jarring effect, whether in lines or entire verses - or a shift in ideas - can be extremely effective...? As to the poem...interesting - that's the first word that came to mind... it made me think actually of a OHP sheet..like an overlay, I guess that's because it's so metaphorically based, and doesn't have solid images...I think that's why the transition works well here.  K |
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CSKpoet Senior Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 845Island in Paradise |
Hmm I see red when this angry..I never considered that it would be evaluated as self harm or murder..LOL..just the idea of being so angry that red is all you see and the metaphors used are about the pouring out of anger. a connecting verse...hmm will give that some thought though I rather liked what I first intended when I was angry and in that frame of mind... This kind of write is so highly unusual for me..I found it hard to allow myself express these emotions...I usually write romantic stuff. It is highly interesting to me to see your take on this piece though..(each person's view) thanks for giving me food for thought on it.. and I don't really have very many dark poems either..usually a happy lady..  smiles, Cher Poetry is: |
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