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WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

0 posted 2002-07-31 10:00 AM

She sips coffee with her eyes closed
winces at the thoughts she
sees

funny,
all the pain involved
in seeing the forest through the trees

she sighs involuntarily
and begins her silent descension
to the cellar in her mind of night

here she falls in

emotions stark in their haziness
vague,
yet burning, nonetheless
a silent serpent writhes in her head

and she falls in

her hair so soft and innocent
wrought tight in hands of
desperation
those hands that feel the consequence
of the heart's so recent
trepidation

to make sense of all those nights
before
she grapples with the approaching sun
the confusion within begins again

and she falls in

should I tell you more of this-
is it ever a new crisis,
or just cruel repetition?

it replays itself like
deja vu
I know what comes

and we fall in

to end the way she's forced to play
I'd beg a thousand
queens
for mercy on her harried soul
I'd trade a hundred
dreams

I do not foresee an end to
this
so I pray for blind faith
as she teeters on this dark
abyss,
the edge of losing-

here she falls in.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

1 posted 2002-07-31 10:10 AM

DeaDi,
Another gem from your pen, this teeter-torture.

Maybe some Jamesons' in that coffee.

~wranx

The shortest distance between two points...
is sometimes, intolerable.

Bukowski

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

2 posted 2002-07-31 01:01 PM

WOW! I'd beg a thousand queens????

POWERFUL!

Said if I only could ...
-KB

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

3 posted 2002-07-31 11:45 PM

WIWG, this is an incedible piece of writing
and I love recurring lines that each time read, hit me in a different way
awesome
BS.

I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles

WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

4 posted 2002-07-31 11:56 PM

Thanks guys for reading and the wonderful replies.....made my day!!!

DeaDiAmore

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

5 posted 2002-08-01 08:59 PM

Splendid piece. I like the feel of it. Dark, damp, something you can touch. I must be honest, and say sometimes the meter, and flow was off, but nothing a few word changes, or line edits couldn't fix. And, it's just me seeing that. Just me.

Can I ask if this poem is you referring to yourself in, what is it, the third person?

Sincerely,
Titus

"They say that a hero can save us. I'm not gonna stand here and wait..."

-Chad Kroger

Purity
Senior Member

since 2001-11-20

Posts 526
Once Upon, USA

6 posted 2002-08-01 09:38 PM

"is it ever a new crisis,
or just cruel repetition?

it replays itself like
deja vu
I know what comes"

I loved this!!! Something about these lines gave me the "Do you ever get that deja vu feeling that you're having deja vu?" mental loop...

Great write!!

WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

7 posted 2002-08-02 12:27 PM

Thank you everyone for the kind replies...

DeaDiAmore

secretlife
Member

since 2002-07-30

Posts 359
Grean Earth ,,,

8 posted 2002-08-04 01:47 AM

Great??? All I can say is great,,
I like that part too ("is it ever a new crisis,or just cruel repetition?)
I love what u have written...Just keep going and I will be waiting to read from u more...

Good luck??

Secretlife,
(Easy come,,Easy go)

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2002-08-04 05:39 PM

and we fall in

to end the way she's forced to play
I'd beg a thousand
queens
for mercy on her harried soul
I'd trade a hundred
dreams

I do not foresee an end to
this

--made me cry.

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