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Dark Poetry #3
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WhileIWasGone
Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486


0 posted 2002-07-18 08:26 PM



Too many thoughts clog this tortured mind
the world keeps changing colors
I travel miles inside my soul
fighting the need to be free
this is a prison
I have placed myself in...........
I force down the pain
I swallow the tears
I loose myself
to the internal fear
no place to run
nowhere left to hide
loose the past
forget about pride

Time passes time
wounds don’t heal
the nightmare of tomorrow
has become too real
close your eyes
don’t see past the skin
who knows what beauty
lays dead within

don’t turn your back
in a self pity shame
don’t walk away
without knowing the name
face yourself and then face me
look into my mirror
of your reality


© Copyright 2002 Dea_Di_Amore - All Rights Reserved
Xeonox
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764
CA, USA
1 posted 2002-07-19 01:16 AM


I enjoyed the ending of your poem. Especially this lines..
**********
don’t see past the skin
who knows what beauty
lays dead within


*************

Ronil (A mask for everyday. Imagine a life without them.)

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
2 posted 2002-08-24 09:12 AM


I especially like this

"don’t turn your back
in a self pity shame
don’t walk away
without knowing the name
face yourself and then face me
look into my mirror
of your reality"

Can't beleive that this slipped by.

~Ed

In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward".      

~wranx~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2002-08-24 09:47 AM


You made me rub me head...it summoned conundrum.
chitsank
Member
since 2002-08-13
Posts 88

4 posted 2002-08-24 11:00 AM


That was a good work.NIce flow. enjoyed each line.
MissunderstoodGrrl
Junior Member
since 2002-08-24
Posts 27
Ontario, Canada
5 posted 2002-08-24 06:47 PM


wow i really like this poem alot...i can totally relate to it..its very good..keep up the good work

-:¦:-Hey god i know i'm just a dot in this world
Have you forgot about me?-:¦:-

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-08-26 01:06 PM


Give me a moment to get over the new picture ........

A minute more ....

A minute more ....

Enjoyed the poem!

(I love you, Lori)

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

7 posted 2002-08-26 02:49 PM


The following Male Moment (tm) was brought to you by XY! When you need a reason to sigh, always trust XY.

And now on with your regularly scheduled ephemeria.

Dragon Mistress
Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 289
Washington, USA.
8 posted 2002-08-26 04:07 PM


I like I like!!  Good work.  I'm no professional, but I do know what I enjoy.  I hope to read more from you!!

~*~I'm only a dreamer, with broken dreams, and only words to fall back on~*~

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
9 posted 2002-08-28 11:10 PM


Hi, and welcome to Passions.

I very much liked this- it had substance, flow and emotion. I might only suggest you lose the occasional rhyme ( although sometimes incidental rhyme is great ) as it doesn't seem to fit in with all that great free verse.

Again, welcome.

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

D edgar Grey
Member
since 2002-08-21
Posts 174
Hell...(aka Wisconsin)
10 posted 2002-08-29 12:16 PM


That was truly magnificent!! I think my favourite part would be "...I travel miles inside my soul
fighting the need to be free
this is a prison
I have placed myself in..........."

Incredibly powerful! Thank you for the awesome work!!!!!

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