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idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA

0 posted 2002-07-11 05:14 PM


As they all sit, they ponder and hopelessly wonder...
Is it going to be excepted, trashed, compacted...

Please speak and respond with niceties
Don't clamp down on the reasons and realities

I don't want to be hurt as the artist I think I am
I want to hide in this constructed temple,
skillful,
and restfull

I may not go on - would you consider me important?
I will not finish until this jury complies

Starting up again, will possible offend,
one or two,
But who,
of all those eyes

Don't want to know, I may just turn green
Rip the cloths off my back and scream

Don't hate me because I can write
Don't say otherwise if it's not alright

I will hurt, I will pout
Until it sinks down into the screen,
forgotten,
forever,
never to be seen.



© Copyright 2002 m.wiktor - All Rights Reserved
devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
1 posted 2002-07-11 06:53 PM


Preach on...

that's my attitude on it...

offend if you must!!!

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA
2 posted 2002-07-11 07:01 PM


Thanks,
no offending...

Glad you liked it, and can relate...

An artist needs to hear it all...

All in all, I used to like volleyball.

Thanks

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member
since 2002-07-02
Posts 439
I am everywhere
3 posted 2002-07-11 07:24 PM


I really enjoyed this.

I think anyone who can write can relate to this.  

Good work, and keep it up.

Sometimes tragedy is the best way...

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
4 posted 2002-07-11 11:00 PM


excellent poem.
speaks loud volumes
on the solid-state of many
who attempt any art
BS.

I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles

idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA
5 posted 2002-07-11 11:03 PM


tanks BS
!! hugs

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

6 posted 2002-07-13 07:53 PM


Well, then, I guess I should reply to this so it bobs like a cork back to th' surface of these Dark waters.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA
7 posted 2002-07-13 08:00 PM


truth hurts
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

8 posted 2002-07-13 08:15 PM


Only a bi'. I like watchin' this poem crest th' surf, though.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA
9 posted 2002-07-13 08:18 PM


Hugs

Sweet sweet, sweetie

no,no,no, shhh,shhh,shhh,
it's ok sweetie

You have a sweet heart...

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

10 posted 2002-07-13 08:20 PM


Uh ... hugs are cool, but why are you shushing me?

(p.s. when y' read this -- hi, lori!)

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Anvrill
Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710
in the interzone now
11 posted 2002-07-13 11:40 PM


P.S., awright.

Cool poem. I get pretty rabid about what I can and can't write myself, sometimes. But I like to stay in the realm of safeness now. Too much insanity goin' on back in high school.

"Silly bunny, there are no monsters in here." - Chrys, from Gloom Cookie

Purity
Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526
Once Upon, USA
12 posted 2002-07-14 01:59 PM


Not only was the poem very cool ( I loved the imagery of the falling into obscurity by slowly getting lower on the threads until gone ), but I had to comment on how awesome I found a line in your response post..

"An artist needs to hear it all...
All in all, I used to like volleyball." A peom in and of itself. Great!

idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA
13 posted 2002-07-14 10:28 PM


Thanks Purity

hey, anything you didn't like, or would do different?

Purity
Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526
Once Upon, USA
14 posted 2002-07-14 11:26 PM


Absolutely not. I cannot consider myself to be a member of such a jury to comply... Just know that you always know why you wrote something, and why you felt compelled to share. If others do not appreciate, validate, or communicate applause, it lessens not the beauty of your writing, or your sharing. You've got my vote, and my thanks.

[This message has been edited by Purity (07-14-2002 11:27 PM).]

idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA
15 posted 2002-07-14 11:34 PM


Hey thanks,
   I put it up to get feedback, what ever form it takes. I like to hear what people may not like about it b/c it helps me (us) grow. Gives perspective ... as artists we can't stay hidden away in our own minds knowing that we like it, of course, you wrote it.

Perspective....
www.miserymadebeautiful.com

Anvrill
Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710
in the interzone now
16 posted 2002-07-15 12:05 PM


Actually, I find that I don't like my own stuff. It's just something that bursts outta me, and then there's a poem/story/song/novel sitting there in a lump of words at my feet. NOT a pretty picture. And then I hafta clean it up...

Anyway, I also find that I'm not nearly a good enough authority to comment on people's work. I can say when I like it and what I like, but if there's something that bothers me about a poem, I usually just won't respond, 'cause I don't know what to say.

Not that that applies to every poem I don't respond to! Grr, must remove foot from mouth. I just read about three that're sitting on the main page every time I have time to read, which isn't remarkably often.

written in blood before everything went black

JCV

idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA
17 posted 2002-07-15 12:20 PM


I don't want to speak for you but when you said:

"...if there's something that bothers me about a poem, I usually just won't respond, 'cause I don't know what to say"

Sometimes you do, but don't know HOW to say it. Don't know what type of response you will get from the artist exposing their work to a forum. I think constructive criticism is showing RESPECT for your fellow artist, instead of just ignoring their work, or just saying "I like it," not to offend.

One can usually fine something in a work that is good and bad, they like or dislike in their opinion, join them together in a critique to show honesty and be respectful.

I only write poetry a little from time to time, but I do compose. I am majoring in Music composition, and I compose orchestral art music. The last thing I would ever want, especially in a conservatory amongst my peers and other composers, teachers,  is them avoiding constructive criticism. But I know they will, actually,

I'm counting on it...

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

18 posted 2002-07-15 06:43 PM


Ah, but one interesting feature of criticism is it's the choice of the reader whether to say anything or not. As it should be.

Criticism isn't a right for the artist to invoke on any reader -- it's completely the reader's choice. That's why you have that little profile flag where you can ask for critiques or not.

I know it's saved me headaches.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

idrift2u
Member
since 2002-07-09
Posts 60
MD., USA
19 posted 2002-07-15 07:34 PM


really?
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