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Dark Poetry #3
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Follow my Hate (Moon Dust challenge)
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Follow my Hate (Moon Dust challenge) |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali 
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Midday sunshine- streaming rays, Blinding mind in false façade It could be here- could be today… Gripping, stripping feel of cringe- death-blows (silence) my mind binge.. ~I trip to catch my stumble~ hover walk upon discover I splinter break as small glass shard to ground Brassy metal screeching sound… Turn to find flood water in walls of mind, Suffocation starts at sin- (Under now) I sink for swim- catching void ~solo I fade~ inky black fills my disdain ~and I follow~ follow my hate… past shallow waters in suffocation debate… *I've had this reoccuring premonition of dying under water...THIS is the fear part...* Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... [This message has been edited by devina (07-08-2002 06:20 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Tanya Nicole Bustamante - All Rights Reserved | |||
Krishankins
since 2002-06-23
Posts 972Texas |
I hope it Stays a dream sweets!Don't worry, I can swim. I'll jump in and save you!! ~solo I fade~ LOVE THE FEELING IN THIS!!! Isolation, my mentor! You always keep me smilin'  Hugs 2 U!!!!!! Kris A bird never flies so high that it can't hit the ground |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
This was a very nice read. Bummed to hear that it is a very real concern. I can, however, empathize. although I live on a doggone river, my end, involves a tractor trailor. ~wranx "Writing is a perfectly natural thing to do...provided it's done in private and you wash your hands afterward"....Heinlein. |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
your words fall like water rippling tumbling beautiful awesome BS. I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles |
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MidnightSon Member
since 2002-05-15
Posts 312between the gutter & the stars |
beautiful and eerie... i like the sun's false facade at the beginning... challenge well met, i'd say. the verses read like you're really suffocating; having less air and fewer words coming... an enjoyable read and a bad way to go. it's our struggle for identity that leaves us all unknown |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
(  ) See? I'm fine...*splash* OH NO! blurb ("isolation, my mentor" belongs in a bad goth poem!) Signed, Scrambled Wires She said burn ... together. -TON [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (07-09-2002 05:39 PM).] |
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