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PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

0 posted 2002-07-03 07:16 PM

Relentlessly,
I have chopped myself free of this disease.
And effortlessly,
The life has been sucked out of me,
And I can hardly see.

So let the spiders stay in my room,
And crawl into my open wounds,
And eat always at me from the inside as I sleep.

And let the butterflies flop away at my stomach
while I watch your eyes meat mine.
I know this is love, but I’m not sure at all.

SO let the candle cast helpless shadows onto my walls,
as they cry for help, I’ll sit back and watch
They’re burning as I once was
in their own specially made hell.
But now that I found love,
I thought things would be easier.
But it just adds to my list of responsibilities.

So let love dig away at my soul as my won body disintegrates in time.
I’ve wanted this forever,
but now that I have it,
nothing’s changed
Except I am here now, but champion less.

…Now help me out…

Ply the spiders out of me,
dissect the butterflies from with in my stomach.
Then burn them in the fire of our love that casts screaming shadows
.of how we used to be.
But as we’re doing so,
I find a spider
Whom had gotten caught and died in her own web.
I believe, some how, that this is me.

You laugh at me, because i'm different.
I laugh at you, because you're all the same.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2002-07-03 07:34 PM

SO let the candle cast helpless shadows onto my walls,
as they cry for help, I’ll sit back and watch
They’re burning as I once was
in their own specially made hell.

LOVED this---and the imagery made quite an emotional impact.

I just read your critique remark, and I would love to see you delve heartily into your chosen analogies...methinks you have a natural talent for that. hmmm...maybe some personification? dunno...

but I DO know that I liked this!

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

2 posted 2002-07-03 07:38 PM

You have painted quite a picture from your love stricken pen lady..

the images are GRAND!!!

*must be an Indiana thing* (I was born there and raised mostly)

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

3 posted 2002-07-03 07:56 PM

Thanks you two. It means a lot to me that people actually *enjoy* my poetry.
Serenity ... the part you posted about casting helpless shadows on my wall...
that's my favorite part

...
I have an overactive imagination, so it's easy for me to think this up, and to better describe the way I feel... it's useful, but scary at times...

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it!

And devina, It must be and Indiana thing! ha ha.
It struck me (as you called me lady)
that you find me old, possibly.
But to clear that up, if you thought so, I am 13.

Anyway... thanks to both of you, and keep writing!

-Sara

You laugh at me, because i'm different.
I laugh at you, because you're all the same.

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