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Dark Poetry #3
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Another Bruise
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Another Bruise |
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darkstar Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 230Port Richey, Fl, USA |
Another Bruise I yell, I scream, I cry another bruise it seems my eyes are never dry so much to lose I run, I duck, I hide you push me down I lose my pride to you I'm bound I cry, I beg, I plea another scar please don't leave it's my fault how you are I crouch, I lie, I ache life's crimson liquer flows out how much more can I take? what was it even about? I weep, I moan, I sob you're through now my dignity you robbed I wonder how it was the path I choose for another bruise |
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| © Copyright 2002 Danielle Zumstein - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kinson Member
since 2002-05-13
Posts 66somewhere between here and there |
I liked this very much. It had good imagery and was easy to relate to. Reading it was reason enough to read more of your stuff, which i liked as well. Cant wait to read more. |
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darkstar Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 230Port Richey, Fl, USA |
Thanks sweetie, much appreciated. I like what I've read of your works too. Also I'd like to mention that this poem is for my boyfriend and I hope that someday he realizes that he shouldn't throw me around like some childhood doll, but until then I just wait and hope, because I need him. *darkstar* |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I sure can identify with your poem (it was a long time ago but I still identify) and at that time I thought I needed my husband too. Not true! I am here to say, I made it! Since then I have learned that love shouldn't hurt, and if it does, its not love. No one has the right to abuse another. I hope you will learn that a lot quicker than I did. So here is my hug, and I hope you do, as your poem was very sad and made me remember the bad times in my life but for only a second, as there are only good ones now, as I learned I could never change change anyone. As my friend said once , "they tell you what and who they are, what part aren't you getting?" Hugs honey and I hope the next poem is "bruiseless"  |
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ThUnDeRkYsS Senior Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 727Wisconsin |
I like this a lot, I hope you find your ways to come to terms with things. I feel all of this from past experiences as well, its a shame so many of us have to go to those places in life when all we want is somebody to love... you'd think people would appreciate what that means exactly a little more than they do. Strive for higher levels, if they seem out of reach... Grow, and they will get closer. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is SO disturbing to me...and I suspected that it was truly personal to you, and when I read your reply? I shuddered... and? I will resist the temptation of stupid advice and gratuitous lecture...but hon? If you need to talk, please e mail me... and I am VERY glad you realize you are not just a RAGDOLL...hugs, you! |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
If someone really loves you, they don't hit you. I thought the poem was well written but you should not have to suffer being battered because you 'need' him. I know you don't want to hear it again -especially from a stranger - but you are worth so much more than you are getting out of this relationship. Don't sell yourself short! |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Interesting that a movie just came out concerning this subject...It is called "Enough" with Jennifer Lopez. It was interesting watching the different thoughts she had after she has hit by her husband...the hurt, the fear, her desperation and the anger and hatred she began to feel towards her husband... I hope there is a way out for you...I hope you are looking for it...James |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
What I say may be completely unwelcome, but I'm going to say it anyway. Yes, everyone's said it before haven't they? Get out, get away, you're worth more. The question is, do you feel that you're worth more? When you look in the mirror, do you see someone who is worth more than waiting for the next bruise? Worth more than trying to keep someone else happy? Worth more than trying to find ways to change him so he doesn't hurt you any more? I'm sorry, hon, but you won't change him. Stop hoping - he won't change. You've set the limits. He will continue to hurt you. How can I say all this? I know, that's why - some years ago (when I was 21) I found myself engaged to a man who was an angel for the first year..and then spent the next hurting me, while I 'waited' and 'hoped' for something to change. Thinking it was a phase - thinking that if he loved me he'd realise what he was doing. I became ill - lost so much weight, I had to buy new clothes, nearly had a stomach ulcer. Are you aware of why he won't change? He won't because you're in a cycle - a power and control cycle. He is aware you 'need' him. Because he is aware of this, he can safely continue on with his patterns of hurting you. Let me also guess -you feel like he is the only person in the world you can turn to, and that you should also be 'grateful' that he loves you. Also, you feel that without him you simply couldn't cope. This is because your self-esteem, which was probably battered before you even got together with him, is now non-existent. No doubt, he is insecure, and finds his control over you gratifying. Do you think he'll be able to give that up? Hon, if he does that in the first place - why do you think he'll suddenly stop? I see in your poem you have said 'it's your fault.' This is not rational, and untrue. I know you can't believe that right now, I know you feel it is your fault - that you have done something 'wrong' and that if you are just better in some way it will all stop. Can you think to yourself - perhaps it might be him who is wrong? You have the right to speak your mind. You have the right to make mistakes. You have the right to innocently occupy your own space and do your own thing without a person hurting you for it - for any reason. It is NOT your fault this is happening. It is simply that he is unhealthy and has power and control over you. You will wait and hope in vain for it to stop I promise you. It's hard sometimes to look ourselves in the face, and confront what we see. Hard to look into the mirror. Hard to actually acknowledge that we don't need people who hurt us. Without this man in your life, life will still go on. The sun will still rise tomorrow. I hope so much that you go - get counselling (which is partly what enabled me to leave my abusive partner and realise that all the waiting in the world wouldn't change anything) - and find the strength and self-worth to get out and learn how to love yourself. Once you start to achieve that, then you can truly start to love another person, who won't physically hurt you. You deserve respect, happiness and a healthy relationship - with yourself, and with another person. Best wishes - email me if you need to. Kamla [This message has been edited by Severn (05-25-2002 08:09 PM).] |
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darkstar Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 230Port Richey, Fl, USA |
Thank you everyone for your support. I know I should leave him. Everyone I've ever told has told me that. I want to listen. It's just that no matter what happens I am truely scared to lose him, because despite his many faults he is a decent person and I love him. I need someone to love and someone to love me. I've never really felt that before in my life and for the first time I'm happy. But my happiness wanes and waxes. It seems just when I'm finally happy, I get too comfortable and say something wrong that really pisses him off and then everything starts. When my bruises finally start to fade they are replaced by new ones. I don't know how I could ever leave him anyway. I couldn't handle not having someone there who cares. The thought scares me to death. I know I'd be thrown into such a deep depression that I'd never be able to get out of. I don't see any way out of the situation. I'm sorry I'm disappointing everyone by saying that I'm probably not going to leave him. I can't help it. *darkstar* |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
But you CAN handle it! I was in an abusive relationship on and off (based on his call) for 2 1/2 years. One day he would act like a sweetheart, and the next, he wouldn't want anything to do with me. He never hit me (and I was very lucky that he didn't because I know he beat his ex before me), but he messed with me and made me cry I don't even know how many times. I didn't want to leave him because I cared about him and felt obligated to try to help him change, but he didn't want to and yet I stayed with him and hoped that he would. He didn't. He still hasn't. I didn't want to not have someone who cares either, but I left and I was just fine. I'm so much happier now. I know you don't want to hear this, but I had to say something.  and I hope everything works out for you.  ~sky You look inside my wild mind |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
Bruises lead to broken bones. My ex is proof positive of this. I was married to him for ten years. I too, thought that if I just loved him enough that things would get better. They didn't. They only got worse and worse. I know you probably won't leave. I didn't for a long time. Sooner or later it will get to the point of going too far and you will be the one that will be left picking up the pieces of your broken body and begging for him to help you and he will walk away. Love does NOT hurt. I know that now, because the man I married 17 years ago has never raised a hand to me in anger, has never treated me like something my dog laid out in the yard, has never put me down and has always been there to lift my spirits when I was sad. There are really good decent guys and DECENT guys don't beat the ones they are supposed to be loving. I know you think you need him. I thought that too. Need isn't love. Need is desperation. I always figured I needed to stay because the thought of leaving terrified me. In actuality, what it did was liberate me and I learned to be a person on my own. I know it's hard. God knows the first 3 months were a killer, but I was better for it and found that I was a nice person that deserved to be treated in a nice way. You are too. Take a few days and go be by yourself and really think about your life. You may find it's worth saving. |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
"All the love in the world..." Darkstar, I am reminded of a song I sing to myself all the time, "Love & Other Bruises didn't have to choose us, but it did and I'm alive, and I'm trying to survive...Love & Other Bruises makes us all good losers, I CAN'T HELP IT TALKING LOUD, IT'S BECAUSE I'M ON A CLOUD" These bruises, out of "love" can have more than just physical ("maybe they'll heal soon enough") ramifications. This isn't the type of song I would hope to hear walking on those eternal clouds... And back to "All the love in the world..." All of these incredibly wonderful, caring people responding to your words are taking your poetry and putting the love into motion for you. So now I'll add mine... My story is different but not unrelative to what you are going through. I'm a guy... for twenty one years of my life, I placed myself in these situations multiple times. I fell in love, and that was the only love, never another possibility, no matter what the cost. People change, right? Maybe my own love could change the abusive nature. Once things ended with the first one (and any thereafter - all were ended not by my choice ironically), then I hurt for a season, searched, and found another to fall in love with. The cycle repeated over and over. Did I love them? I would have died proving it for each and every one. My infatuation and dependency on each, once devastatingly over, only increased these feelings for the next. Recently two things happened simultaneously. My very first "love", who always remained the best of friends and whom never abused me in any way, was killed in a motorcycle accident. Secondly, one of my cyclical "loves" ended up finally killing someone else out of the abuse. This only after the victim found out that her "lover" had approached her ten year old daughter and told her that one day soon, the daughter would replace "Mommy", and be the one loved...(very explicitly detailing the "hows" of such love). Two blows... each hitting my heart harder than you would ever be able to imagine. So I took the advise offered in the response before mine, and I stepped back and took time to myself...for myself. "Lick old wounds", sit around thinking all the time, going on long nature walks, becoming more "spiritual" if you will, but to me more just self analizing... I love who I am. I love the reason I feel I'm on this earth. I love the overwhelming amount of love that I have to offer. I love my quest for that SoulMate that will finally be there eternally to accept and appreciate, as well as reciprocate and love me truly in return for my love. As with you, the fear of being alone, and not having someone there to care for me is a tremendous thing to know exists in your life. But the realization that the one (or in my case ones) that I have so loved and given my all for, did not truly care, for their abuse discredited any and all possibility of me eternally believing that they did care and love me, forces me to finally invoke "healthy self-centeredness". I have to overcome my fear of being alone for the greater good of not being abused, and eventually finding my soul mate. I have to settle for nothing less than getting at least the amount of love that I have available to offer if not more. I have to break a "Love & Other Bruises" cycle before I end up shouting my regrets from the clouds. Sorry for the novel, but in spite of the fact that you are extremely resistent to the notion of life without him, I had to share with you that I've always been that resistent everytime...twenty one years...five different relationships. So, even though I know that you will not allow anyone else's words to be a fortress of strength to rise you above your current abusive situation, I do want you to know that I wish you all the best... I hope that one day soon, you will take time solely to yourself and see the beautiful parts of who you are, and that someone out there will be so blessed if you shared it with them, and allowed them to return that beauty without abuse. Thanks for sharing this one. It's a great move towards introspection (Hell, I've spent most of my life writing poetry about such experiences...I guess it gets old after a while...LOL) Please take care, and keep sharing. [This message has been edited by Purity (05-28-2002 12:40 PM).] |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
I KNOW I can't beat Purity's novel up there, lol, but I am going to give my opinion. I have been in an abusive relationship and felt like I couldn't live without him... I was wrong. He realized what he was doing and broke up with me because he was tired of hurting me and felt I deserved better; now to me that was love. I love him still and nothing is going to change that, but it didn't make it right. I am a much stronger person without him though I felt like I couldn't go on at all. In time things got better simply because he was out of my life. You CAN do it. You just have to have enough courage and faith in yourself to break away from this. *hugs* Jessica |
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