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Dark Poetry #3
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Rebelious
Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 57
Kansas, USA

0 posted 2002-04-11 04:43 AM



I can see my angel,
She's drowning in the rain.
She's swallowed in my hurt,
and has to suffer my pain.

The bonds that bound us,
are not fair.
She shouldn't have to suffer,
from these chains I have to bair.

On my knee's in the dark,
Dreadfull journey I imbark.

As I enter the portal to my heart,
I am sickend by what I see.
The failures of my life,
and the memories of what couldn't be.

As I walk this ghetto path,
I can see remains of a recent fight.
The love that I lost,
and memories of that horrid night.

On my knee's in the dark,
Continueing this journey wich I imbark.

I see now how to win this fight,
and how to stop all this pain.
I have to forget the girl,
that made me insane.

I get a glimmer of my angel.
She's crying painfullbloody tears.
I have to help soon,
and fight all my fears.

On my face in the dark,
Barely makeing this journey which I imbark.

She'spointing to some old memories.
A time when i was happy.
When I was young,
and my life not so crappy.

Its a memory of my mother.
And now i fineally see.
My mom's love is true,
and her love will always be.

On my knee's again in the dark,
Gaining streangth on this journey which i imbark.

I don't need to find love,
because its always been here.
My mom has loved me from birth,
and she'll wipe away every last tear.

I've been missing out,
Thinking i needed a soulmate.
But infact my mom,
will always be bound to me by fate.

On my feet in the dark,
Finishing this journey which I imbark.

Now at full streangth I head for my angel.
With my new heart,
I will banish all things,
That keep my angel and myself apart.

As curageous as my first breath of life,
I rip out all the chains I carry.
Now all that is left,
is a sorrow felt cemetary.

My Angel and me hand in hand.
Walk this new path of light.
Knowing in our hearts,
that this was.... the fineal fight.

© Copyright 2002 Dustin Ortiz - All Rights Reserved
NapalmsConstantlyConfused
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529

1 posted 2002-04-11 10:18 AM


this is interesting, and suffers only from the lack of a spell-checker.
seriously, this is good work, and i would like to see more from you, but you need to use a spell-checker and / or a proofreader. the spelling takes away from your message here, and that's terrible - the message is certainly worth reading.
-Dave

Lisa_bebe15
Member
since 2001-11-15
Posts 151
Florida
2 posted 2002-04-11 12:05 PM


What a veyr nice poem..It sounds like you have never been the same..and trying to find peace without your mom...I hope you will be ok..and good write!  Other tahn some spelling/grammar it was all good!  Very well written..I am a fan of angels..so I LOVED it..
*Lisa Ann*

"Water Over Matter"

Purity
Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526
Once Upon, USA
3 posted 2002-04-11 12:31 PM


I, too, have an affinity with Angels, and likewise having suffered deep loses, was very touched by your piece, here. I can say this intuitively by reading your work, that your Mom has such Angelic valor, and that she will always remain at the forefront of your life, as it's obvious she passed this valor along to you as well. Thanks for such emotion. As for spelling, and while Dave is most certainly being truthful, you can invoke your right to poetic license if it creative. I, for one, judging by the thoughts you present, would love to see you invoke  poetic license by not having to confine yourself to what you are going to say just to make it rhyme. Go out on a tangent and just write without limitations. The feelings are so "there", that I believe the ability is also. You're in control when you write of not only what you are going to say, but to a large degree how we as readers are going to accept it.

Good poem, Rebelious.

Rebelious
Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 57
Kansas, USA
4 posted 2002-04-11 07:01 PM


Thank you for the reply's.  I know my spelling is horrible gotta work on it.  Next time i'll use spell checker   Glad you liked it.
   Dustin

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