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Dark Poetry #3
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Rebelious
Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 57
Kansas, USA

0 posted 2002-04-10 05:00 AM


Wrote this one on the fly... just to see if i have any juice left in my head.

Today i was asked a painfull question..
"How does true love feel?"
At first i hesitated,
and then started my lonely ideel      (ideal)

When you think of this person,
when you know you'll see them soon.
Your stomache feels all bubbly,
and you glow as bright as the moon.

When you are away from them,
even for just awhile.
You worried sick,
and can't force a smile.

You praise them on high,
you never let them down.
You make them very happy,
and your heart breaks when they frown.

And fineally when it all ends,
Your world, your life..
is nothing more,
than a blood droplet from a knife.

© Copyright 2002 Dustin Ortiz - All Rights Reserved
Lisa_bebe15
Member
since 2001-11-15
Posts 151
Florida
1 posted 2002-04-10 01:01 PM


wow..this is really good...I can't write anything like that..but I can so relate to ur poem..I was in a long distance relationship and I never saw him *sighs*  we broke it off Monday night..But yea..I felt the same way as ur poem says..good write!
*Lisa Ann*

"Water Over Matter"

Dark Kisses
Member
since 2001-06-24
Posts 364
Flat lands of Kansas
2 posted 2002-04-10 10:14 PM


True love is different for each person.  But I believe you captured some good meanings here.  

Great Thoughts,
Dark

A friend, like a candle, is most needed in the darkness.

Encarta
Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 101
My homeland is not of the world
3 posted 2002-04-10 10:40 PM


All so vary true.  Great poem   I look forward to reading more from you
fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

4 posted 2002-04-14 12:47 PM


Another interesting read.  You seem to like violent imagery, as indicated by your rather abrupt ending.  I like you use of the moon as a comparison to the brightness of your face.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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