navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #3 » Rejected Love
Dark Poetry #3
Post A Reply Post New Topic Rejected Love Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Rebelious
Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 57
Kansas, USA

0 posted 2002-04-10 04:44 AM


Ok, a little backround for ya people   I went out with this girl for about 6 months... She was/is probablly the love of my life.  We broke up right before christmas... so i wrote this poem after it was over.

Ever had love shoved in your face?
Its not to good a feeling.
First your mad,
and then soon starts the killing!

the murder of your heart.
The theft of your soul.
The killing of yourself,
and the yearning for what was stole.

You try to disguise it
Playing your music really loud.
Trying to set your mood,
but your minds a dazed cloud.

You look for some person thats easy,
so you can ilude yourself one more time,
but deep inside you still know,
that you'll never escape that horrid crime!

So you ask how its all ends.
Its ends in a whole lot of agony.
A tourch to your heart,
thats the only thing that can heal that misery.

© Copyright 2002 Dustin Ortiz - All Rights Reserved
See me?
Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 93
UK
1 posted 2002-04-10 09:09 AM


'Ever had love shoved in your face?' the answer to that is YES twice by the same person. I can relate to where your at, i went out with this lad and we were so happy, so in love then suddenly he turned round and said that he couldn't do it anymore, my heart shattered into thousands of pieces. he said he wanted me back and against better judgement I took him back and he did it again. Its so hard to sit back and see something that is so right end so wrong. Your poem explains it all so well. Keep strong. Love will find you one day.
God Bless
Clare

Life is about change,sometimes its painful,sometimes its beautiful,sometimes its both.

NapalmsConstantlyConfused
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529

2 posted 2002-04-10 10:03 AM


it's always sad when one person loves more than the other, it can only end badly... and it's no-one's fault, even though it may seem like it.
-Dave

Lisa_bebe15
Member
since 2001-11-15
Posts 151
Florida
3 posted 2002-04-10 12:55 PM


Wow..this is really good..My x-b/f left me..and it sounds like something he would have wrote to me..I had problems..and still do..and he left me so I could get better..never got better..*sighs*
*Lisa Ann*

"Water Over Matter"

Purity
Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526
Once Upon, USA
4 posted 2002-04-10 01:33 PM


The story of my life. Very understood, very deeply felt. Great writing!
Dark Kisses
Member
since 2001-06-24
Posts 364
Flat lands of Kansas
5 posted 2002-04-10 10:17 PM


I agree with Dave here.  When one person loves the more, it always ends bad. Therefore, was it really meant to be?  There are many stars out there shinning brightly.  Grab one and see where it might lead you!!

Dark

A friend, like a candle, is most needed in the darkness.

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

6 posted 2002-04-14 12:43 PM


This was a very frank portrayal of what this experience is like.  I don't believe I've read your writing before.  This was a fairly good piece.  I think you're a diamond in the rough, if you don't mind my use of cliche.  You might like to try just easing into closed form poetry, rather than doing what I did - namely forcing your words to conform to the form so that you get things like

The theft of your soul.
The killing of yourself,
and the yearning for what was stole.


That was just a pointer.  I am sorry if I was a bit harsh here.  Just remember I used to do that too, and probably still do.  Feel free to call me on anything like that you see me doing.

On the whole, this was a good poem.  I am glad you weren't afraid to be so open and frank about the experience.  You've used a lot of good violent imagery to portray the experience for what it likely is.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #3 » Rejected Love

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary