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Dark Poetry #3
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Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2001-08-22 05:09 AM


Mister MacGeorge chews,
Tobacco juice dripping down,
Vile words also spews,
And makes Miss Susan to frown,
But he brings her things from town.

Gloom



© Copyright 2001 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2001-08-22 08:30 AM


Mister MacGeorge chews,
Tobacco juice dripping down,
Vile the words he spews,
And makes Miss Susan to frown,
still he brings her things from town

my humble suggestion....

I also wondered if the last line should not have a 5 syllable count to match the first and third....

I like the image created.... vivid and menacing in a way without being....


leafseranade
Member
since 2001-07-06
Posts 118
Wisconsin, USA
2 posted 2001-08-23 04:54 PM


i like this.  Miss Susan doesn't like the things he does but he provides for her.
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