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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2001-08-21 05:19 PM

You made me
this bloodless fiend
too pale for light
too dark for night eyes

refused the stake,
in bitter pleasure
you laughed at me

but now…

torching flames
consume your black heart
leaving the stench
of long dead
to cling
inside nostrils
that flared pleasurably

You made me

denying me the rest
I now give it all
to you in hope
the fire I built
helps me find
something warm
to remember you by

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

1 posted 2001-08-21 05:47 PM

I like this. I see vampires of every different kind in life in this poem. Does that make sense? Strong thoughts here.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2001-08-21 05:50 PM

many types of vampires... or perhaps many people have traits that could be vampirish in nature.. sucking the life out of others..and laughing as they turn those drained into bitter monsters themselves..

glad you took the time to comment... it is always appreciated.

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

3 posted 2001-08-21 07:40 PM

I now give it all
to you in hope
the fire I built
helps me find
something warm
to remember you by

Cut right to the core of it.

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

4 posted 2001-08-22 06:21 PM

Wow, never thought you went in for such darkness, Captain. *smiles*

Excellent...

~Tier

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

5 posted 2001-08-23 01:59 AM

YES!

*duh me* I'm sorry. That is what I meant to say I got out of this poem, but I couldn't find the words to describe it. Geesh..My responses are suffering just as much as my writing is these days. I'm blocked. Apologies for not making my understanding more clear. :embarassed:

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

6 posted 2001-08-24 07:32 PM

I couldn't put my finger on it either! LOL I didn't see vamps, but now reading the others comments I do. Either way, a great read that reeled me in for sure!! LOL
Isis

*The greatest warrior is one that does not need to fight* ~Isis~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

7 posted 2001-08-31 03:36 AM

Nice writing Cpat...James

Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

8 posted 2001-09-01 02:52 PM

Ron
I love it! : )
Connie

Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

9 posted 2001-09-01 03:19 PM

I'm back LOL
I just put one in Open Forum called
Dream to Reality
see what you think....

Alan
Senior Member

since 2000-09-12

Posts 1499
right next door

10 posted 2001-09-02 09:52 AM

I like this. I can see some people I know in this. Good read.
alan

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