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Dark Poetry #3
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Rainbows in the Moonlight
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Rainbows in the Moonlight |
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Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 197Cincinnati, Oh, U.S.A. 
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Rainbows in the Moonlight When rainbows come to a shadowy end Without a pot of gold A part no longer of the sun But of the night and cold And wind blows wild through the trees And once swift rivers slowly freeze Look for me beneath the stars And searching through the night Trying to find the love I lost Catching rainbows in the moonlight Sing while you may -The Prophet Qa'sepel Your pain is for you alone, As it is, As it was, As it will be forever, Amen -The Prophet Qa'sepel [This message has been edited by Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith (edited 08-20-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Darren Lausa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
I liked it. But in A part, no longer, of the sun I don’t think both commas need to be there, Unless there is a hidden meaning I don’t get Perhaps A part, no longer of the sun, Just moving it to the end, before the but to come. I noticed that you have no end line punctuation, So maybe A part no longer of the sun would work better allowing the line breaks to make the pauses. Just suggestions, Gloom |
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Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 197Cincinnati, Oh, U.S.A. |
Thank you, professor, for the suggestions. Commas always seem to give me fits.I won't break up the line (as I really don't like that device). All I'm trying to say with this is that it is no longer a part of the sun. My word processor seemed to think it was OK but I think you are right. (Never trust a computer). Perhaps I don't need any commas? I don't know. Thanks for your comments- always appreciated. I just edited this piece on my word procesor and it seemed to like it with no commas too. I think I'll go that way. Thanks again, Ian Sing while you may |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
I enjoyed this. It was sadly sung and the images were touchable.  |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
I like this--it has a nice beat & I love the picture it portrays--great work--  LOVE ELMO |
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Blaec Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 130The Sunshine State |
This is really nice. I enjoyed very much! Kris |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
Enjoyed this... ~Tier |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
A beautiful melancholy read, this would move any melancholy heart! Thanks.. Isis *The greatest warrior is one that does not need to fight* ~Isis~ |
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LadyPeach1 Member
since 2001-06-04
Posts 282 |
Beautiful piece. The main reason I read this one was because the title "Rainbows in the moonlight" totally caught my eye and I thought this one would be interestering and I was right! Good work! LadyPeach1 |
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