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Dark Poetry #3
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Rebelious
Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 57
Kansas, USA

0 posted 2001-08-12 11:15 PM



My bloods running fast,
heart out of controle.
Your voice is hurting,
my poor little soul.

Loves supposed to be good,
So why does this hurt?
You must be a demon,
smashing me into the dirt!

Begone from my life,
for you are not needed.
My failures as a man,
is from what you have seeded!

Now begins my fight,
the one which will not end.
for you have my heart,
and no help will my mind send.

My fight is going to be long,
for nomore am I passive.
now comes that day,
The day I tried to live.

© Copyright 2001 Dustin Ortiz - All Rights Reserved
Kaos
Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317
between space and time
1 posted 2001-08-13 02:00 AM


Overall it was a nicely written pice.  The rhythmn needs a few minor adjustments...or i jsut read it wrong...but the images and word choice was good...nice work

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
- Godsmack

qtpieelmo
Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989
Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY
2 posted 2001-08-13 11:23 PM


This is great, inspiring--never give up the fight   SMILE LOVE ELMO <3
Hellseyes
Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 120
Kansas, USA
3 posted 2001-08-14 10:14 PM


another great piece.....what is it that allowa you to write so well..Drew
Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia
4 posted 2001-08-14 11:16 PM


This was a great piece of writing.
Take care......Sue

Suetang

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