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Dark Poetry #3
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The Exile
Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 52
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2001-07-16 11:39 AM


I knelt down on the ground of sand and rocks,
The sky is grey and land is lonely.
I could see nothing around out of this chaos,
I put my palms together looked into the sky.

With the last tears in my eyes suddenly I saw,
A small piece of white feather,
Drifting and falling down slowly from above,
Spinning ceaselessly until it landed on my hands.

Thus the clouds opened as I saw,
A beam of light shining down from above,
You came out in the light holding a sword.
Passing it to me as you spoke with love:

"Behold is the sword of life my knight,
fight with it and thou shall see light!"

© Copyright 2001 Alex D. Ni - All Rights Reserved
Jeen
Member
since 2000-06-07
Posts 91

1 posted 2001-07-16 12:31 PM


Exile

I like this very much.  It reminds me of the book of Revelations.

I like the spiritual undertones in your writings too.

The word "ceaslessly" hung me up a little.
But the imagery was great.

Jeen


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
2 posted 2001-08-11 07:20 PM


Enjoyed...James
teenpoet
Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280
Michigan
3 posted 2003-04-24 11:15 AM


Your poems intrigue me because you often have different view points in each poem and I'm really starting to look forward to anything new that you might write.  But the phrase ceaselessly spinning seems to be a bit odd somehow.  But I do like this.

~Keep dreaming~

teenpoet
Member
since 2001-10-17
Posts 280
Michigan
4 posted 2003-04-24 11:16 AM


Your poems intrigue me because you often have different view points in each poem and I'm really starting to look forward to anything new that you might write.  But the phrase spinning ceaselessly seems to be a bit odd somehow.  But I do like this.

~Keep dreaming~

Brad Majors
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
5 posted 2003-04-28 01:38 PM


very intersting piece
qtpieelmo
Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989
Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY
6 posted 2003-05-02 06:01 PM


WoW, very powerful piece here!!


ELMO

"No man is EVER worth my tears, and the one who is, will never make me cry!"

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