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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2001-05-21 05:53 AM


There is power
in the shadows
of the darkness
of retreat
the art
of being
"not quite there"
invisibility

There is something
in the nothing
brings eternal
ring of
light
exemplified
by dark
a lark
of
pure
invisibility
There is something
sometimes moves
within shadows
of your mind
Darkness be
your only prove
a chokehold
keeping
beat
to
time
again
again
the
pendulum
keeping beat
to chokehold
time...

What have we to say, when then
the clock strikes midnight once again?
What voice of mine should mock,
"tick-tock"
when harmony of choice
asks
"when?"

[This message has been edited by serenity (edited 05-21-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

1 posted 2001-05-21 09:53 AM


Nice rhythms here hon...nice use of internal rhyme and word play...

'There is something
in the nothing
brings eternal
ring of
light
exemplified
by dark
a lark
of
pure
invisibility'

great!


one thing sticks out a bit though:

'Darkness be
your only prove
a chokehold'

dinna like the prove thing..lol..

otherwise - great pen my friend..

hugs

K

All obscurity starts with a danger:
Your dangers are many. I
Cannot look much but your form suffers
Some strange injury
Sylvia Plath

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
2 posted 2001-05-21 10:38 AM


This is very good serenity!! I love it,it's kind of smooth and it seems like it could be written never to have an end.Just one long never-ending strand of words,now i think it's too short lol,i could have read it for days,it has that quality of an infinate story. Very like time itself....great work

sammi

much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2001-05-21 02:35 PM


K...ah hah hah...so ya dinna like my "prove"--well do ya think ya could help me out a bit more THAN THAT????? How about a substitute suggested? Something a little more constructive than "I dinna like it?" and you've got me a laughing through a toothache now...ow...I dinna like it...but thanks...yer lucky yer cute!  And hey...I learned how to center...doesn't that count for something? and the whole durn thing is SUPPOSED to be a pendulum...sigh sigh sigh

sammi...good to see you, I haven't been hanging out in Dark much lately--will have to hang around more if only to annoy K!   Thanks for reading, I appreciate it much!

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
4 posted 2001-05-21 04:17 PM


clocks are always so annoying when times are hard, the ticking noise is like salt on open wounds...ok i am ranting here, so i will be button up and say powerful reading. Hope that sweet bird songs soon replace the tick tock.  

"across the unfair divide
where black will never meet white
so read my token lips
like they never exist"

nicky wire


Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

5 posted 2001-05-21 04:54 PM


OH BAH HUMBUG KAREN.

rotf

All right - will think about...literally soon to be running out of door at present...but I will be back and that IS a threat

so there

K

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
6 posted 2001-05-21 05:58 PM


i see pendulum!! Yay,this is a great acheivment for someone who could never get those magic eye things,lol. But really now that you mention it serenity it does look like and ornate grandfather clock pendulum. too cool

much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson

poni
Junior Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 21
Nebraska
7 posted 2001-05-21 09:51 PM


excellent poem! ... and saw the pendulum swinging as well
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

8 posted 2002-06-01 10:35 PM


Now I told you over a year ago I'd be back..didn't I?

HAH - and here I am sunshine! LOOK OUT...

Just re-reading, and re-liking..

love ya

K

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
9 posted 2002-06-01 10:46 PM


This is way cool..
and I see the pendulum.
Thanks for bringing this one back up Kamla.

Purity
Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526
Once Upon, USA
10 posted 2002-06-02 04:14 AM


Someone holds a chalice that she either does or does not know...Haven't figured it out yet.. (looking at the poem as a whole in scrolling down, and just to add a new bit of mysticism to this, as the poem and the picture does already).
Most interesting. If it elicits more than one response from Severn, then it is a great piece. Kinda a "Night Speaks The Songbird" piece, but more fluent and interesting. A great poem!

[This message has been edited by Purity (06-02-2002 04:16 AM).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

11 posted 2002-06-03 12:53 PM


*chortling with K!*

I'd forgotten about this one! Yer a nut! I wuv woo!

Enhantress, I thank you kindly ma'am...yer always so generous!

Purity? I raise my chalice to ye! Blessed be.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

12 posted 2002-06-06 05:12 PM


I really enjoyed this Luscious One.... and it looks like a pendulum too

Well Done!

hugs

blakloks
Member
since 2002-06-01
Posts 60

13 posted 2002-06-09 09:05 AM


hey cool this looks like a pendulum and great flow of words also
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
14 posted 2002-06-09 07:46 PM


Like this one lots, Karen.
Sandra

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
15 posted 2002-06-09 11:22 PM


You have written the lyrics to "an ode with metronome". Reads quite nicely
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