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Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2001-05-19 03:46 AM

You seek pleasure among things,
But not among human beings,

Materials replace something known,
Leaving the paternal lesson untold.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

zarina
Member

since 2001-05-19

Posts 180

1 posted 2001-05-20 05:31 AM

maybe a little short? (in my opinion) But it could be a good beginning. I especially liked the 2 first sentences.

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

2 posted 2001-05-20 07:34 PM

thank you for responding trillium.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

3 posted 2001-05-21 07:33 AM

Not bad, good message.But I do agree it leaves you wanting more, it could be lengthened...good job regardless.

Jenn

"If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

4 posted 2001-05-21 05:57 PM

you keep me going so i leave you guys with a little mystery.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

moshpit
Member

since 1999-11-25

Posts 143
cebu, philippines

5 posted 2001-06-02 05:42 AM

i think it's good.. really good..

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

6 posted 2001-06-02 10:54 PM

Very nice, X, says a lot in few words.
Sandra

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

7 posted 2001-06-03 03:26 AM

Thank you sandra and moshpit. A brief message in a brief poem.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

8 posted 2001-06-03 10:01 AM

It left me wanting more, but a good message.nevertheless.
Kethry

Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

9 posted 2001-06-05 10:15 AM

Short and sweet

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

10 posted 2001-06-06 12:21 PM

Just like you sugarhigh.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

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