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Dark Poetry #3
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Blue Repetition
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Blue Repetition |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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Blue Repetition the sky's a reflecting bowl it holds us here if it lifted slivered we'd move past trees gravity - my sky mirror silvered sadness nothing left to say silence pacified it braves smiling sunlight duty my sky giant echoer untongued sunlit liar sky sadness in the light the sky's my echo smiling enlightening liberating removing clouding brightly All obscurity starts with a danger: |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
Ah yes. The sky. A "Superdome" of spiritual containment and reflection. And we, merely blades of grass, fading in the sunlight of the field. I really liked the laconic style of this Kamla. Each word is almost a sentence in itself, and the way the sky metaphor is stretched along throughout the piece is excellent. Thanks, Billy  "The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty." |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Thanks Billy... I think your perspective is different to mine lol..I am aware of how vague this really is. I used to write vaguely you know - ALL the time heh...but my style has developed into writing concrete images lately..so last night I thought - what the hey..and wrote a vague piece out of nostalgia... it's not a happy piece - celebrating the sky at all. That probably doesn't come through to anyone but me ROTF. Blue Repetition refers to the repetition of the word 'sky' and the feeling of being, and causing others to feel, 'blue'. Thus it narrows and widens the focus of the poem ...and the sky is resented actually. For being so much like the subject...nope, not a celebration...  KAll obscurity starts with a danger: Your dangers are many. I Cannot look much but your form suffers Some strange injury Sylvia Plath [This message has been edited by Severn (edited 05-16-2001).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Trying to regain your crown as the vagueness queen dear? If so you have succeeded - heh,,,, This does have a tinting of blueness throughout but in such a way as to not be overburdened in sadness, -- more like a feeling of not quite regret in steps that have lead to the present. The blue of the sky can't help but attract our gaze....... There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
J dear... satpsych hey? WOW...(cept for the removing part apparently? Will think about that.) Thanks for your understanding - (now that you understand what I'm talking about HAHA) ~hugs~ K |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
A great and different description of one's spirituality.. well done *Enlightenment is within all things* |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hi Hon "pacified it braves smiling sunlight duty my sky giant echoer untongued " I especially loved these lines I love this style from you K takes me back to when I first read you. Excellent as usual dear Maree |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
"my sky mirror silvered sadness nothing left to say silence" That was my favorite part--it's me excactly--Great poem-- LOVE ELMO <3 |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Rich imagery but the ending;;;;; "enlightening liberating removing clouding brightly" I felt it got too "telly" and these sort of dangled there, the verbs and the adverb, brightly and it just went on and on. That's just my take Kathleen Blake "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey." Laurie Lee [This message has been edited by Irish Rose (edited 05-17-2001).] |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
K, makes no sense, you were wrong. Ok one reading may not be enough to decode this poem. Maybe not even a stroll through your mind but as with all good poetry it was a pleasure to read. Some very beautiful images. "Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life". Terry Pratchett |
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TheGreatMango Junior Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 17Louisana, USA |
ok this is the first peom i read here and well i personally feel like an idiot..sorry i see big words like like metaphor lol... OK i am not a professor and really just a high school student.. weelll i think it was a very nice poem.. i dont know what to say about it really but i actually find a PEACFULNEss in this poem not really a adness ( if thats what you were going for ) |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Well great mango - welcome first of all...and thank you very much for replying to this... how about - a peaceful sadness? For that is really what it was about...I think you hit the button really.. K |
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mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
Yes, I agree, this is a very good poem. There's not anything I can add here that hasn't already been said, so I'll just say good work. |
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