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Dark Poetry #3
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Unravel
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Unravel |
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samantha4 Junior Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 32Pennsylvania |
i posted this originally in the Open Poetry forum....but thought i'd put it in here too because it's about a very emotional, depressing time in my life...it was originally a song in my head, but has for some reason remained a poem...please tell me what you think... slowly before you, my pain in my hands reaching out for comfort, hear me crying as I land i try to breathe the air sticks in my lungs collapsing inside me, the way it always does unravel unravel turn away as i unravel the pieces fall apart and i lose them one by one these nights are my undoing, far from reason, far from sun through grief, one shines so watch me as i glow a room of staring silence... with no where else to go unravel unravel close your eyes as i unravel the crumbling tiny pieces of who i used to be see them drown in expectations for the person who was me i once was strong i once was wise but those who love me close their eyes unravel unravel pull the thread as i unravel [This message has been edited by samantha4 (edited 05-12-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Samantha - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
the refrain effect works, especially with the twist at the end. depression seems more like implosion to me, but unravelling works to Krawdad |
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Ginners Member
since 2000-07-22
Posts 339Mullica Hill, New Jersey |
I really lke this and i think it would make a awesome song eventually :ranbow: "I'll build a wall if we can keep them on the other side"-NIN |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
I agree with Ginners, definately a great song here, this is a very good write, strongly written, powerfully stated. Emotional, moving, great piece all around. Take care. With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. |
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