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Dark Poetry #3
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Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

0 posted 2001-05-03 09:59 PM


In a hotel room I sit
On a bed that remains unmade
With crumpled money lying at the end of it
Being payment for my trade

The neon light outside the window
With a steady hum, it drones
These hotel rooms have now become
What I call my second home

No "homeliness" about them
Just a cold and empty room
No love could possibly live here
Only rats among the gloom

The men that come to use me
They are drunk and couldn't care
They've abused my once beautiful body
My soul now remains cold and bare

I don't know what the meaning of love is
Those emotions I no longer feel
Won't somebody take me away from this "life"
Please tell me all of this isn't real

My pimp, he sometimes abuses me
He says "Make sure you treat the customers right"
But who is going to take care of me
As I cry throughout the night?

A normal life is all I ask for
Just the simple things I crave
If I keep on travelling down this path
I may end up in an early grave

Suetang

© Copyright 2001 Sue Tancheff - All Rights Reserved
Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
1 posted 2001-05-04 02:22 PM


Room to sit, a place to rest
A crumpled existence far from the best,
Toil within the soil of tattered passion,
Cold cash acceptance of what is done;
A life you can learn to detest.

Gloom rats with shiny red eyes,
Watching a soul wither midst all the lies,
They know what you’ve lowly become,
Degradation that’s never done,
And passion that only cries.

Gloom

Zyell
Member
since 2000-07-28
Posts 121
USA
2 posted 2001-05-04 04:11 PM


to think there are those who do live this life....very well stated, the images, I could see and feel~!

*S*

Z

Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia
3 posted 2001-05-04 06:32 PM


Professor Gloom
I was amazed by what you wrote.  Thank you so very much......Sue

Zyell
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I guess it just makes us think how lucky we really are.  Take care.......Sue

Suetang

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
4 posted 2001-05-04 09:08 PM


Yes indeedy we are lucky not to live or really know lives such as the one you described.  Great work for I too felt her pain..  
Isis

*War produces one thing - Cemetaries. And in cemetaries there are no enemies!*
~Isis~~Sovereign of the Spirit.



holatuwol
Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72
California, USA
5 posted 2001-05-05 06:00 PM


Ooh, that poem started out a little shaky and the rhymes kinda stuck out like a sore thumb at first... and my initial impression was a little bit of distance from the poem because initially, the flow was kind of ragged, and the rhymes were off-balance and somewhat weird, but then that all disappeared after the third stanza.

Gosh, that poem had such amazing flow after the third stanza... it just drew me in and totally hypnotized me at that point. ^_^  We'll ignore the fact that poetry easily hypnotizes me... but in any case, the rhymes disappeared... you knew that they were there, but they didn't stand out at all, which made the flow absolutely incredible...

*files this one away into the library*  Gosh, this is a really pretty poem! ^^  hehehe!  Write more!  Write more!  Wow... I like this poem. ^_~  Really enjoyed reading it, in case you didn't figure it out.  Really impressive shtuff.


- holatuwol

Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia
6 posted 2001-05-05 06:23 PM


holatuwol
Thanks for the advice and sorry about the shakiness of the rhyming but that's just how I write.  I don't have a particular formula but I love what I do, especially if it gets through to others.  Thanks for taking the time to read. Take care........Sue

Suetang

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