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Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2001-04-30 01:50 AM

You cannot be taken away,
For we were never together,

The pain I feel now
carves a whole-
Six feet deep,

This thoughtless utter must stop,
For it is the end,

So from here on,
The thoughts of you-
Are washed away.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

[This message has been edited by Xeonox (edited 05-01-2001).]

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

1 posted 2001-04-30 06:54 AM

Your first lines interest me a lot..and raise all kinds of philosophical questions lol..

good work..

K

dragonpoe
Senior Member

since 2000-11-12

Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida

2 posted 2001-04-30 03:41 PM

Very nice. I like the subtle mystery within the otherwise obvious impression (at least in my image of this piece). Enjoyed the read.

With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free..
dragonpoe

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

3 posted 2001-04-30 04:57 PM

I liked this one. I take it that the mis spelled words were word plays. They certainly would work well that way.

Other than that, though, the emotion conveyed in this poem is quite good. Your writing style is pretty cool too.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

4 posted 2001-04-30 07:19 PM

what misspelled words?

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

Severn
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-17

Posts 7704

5 posted 2001-05-01 12:27 PM

misspelled words as follows

:

Your cannot be taken away,

I assume it's meant to be 'you'...

and:

The pain I feel now
carves a whole-

'whole' in this context needs to be 'hole' - but it could be a play on words here...

That's it...

K

EagleOne
Member Elite

since 2000-03-07

Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...

6 posted 2001-05-01 02:01 AM

If only it were so easy as to just wash away the thoughts! Well done!

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our
feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." ~unknown

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-05-02 01:51 AM

nicely done...
i liked how you wrote this...
mispelled words...where?
anyways...keep writing

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-02-2001).]

Xeonox

Senior Member

since 2000-04-01

Posts 1764
CA, USA

8 posted 2001-05-02 06:23 PM

Thanks albert. I appericate your response.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

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