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Dark Poetry #3
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coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077


0 posted 2001-04-25 10:03 PM


"faults"

she sleeps alone
I cannot reach her
   inches away
millenniums apart
   I am her
silence
she is my
         suicide
we share no
passion
       only prison walls

life is a shoebox
   of memories

love is an hourglass
of spent grains

porcelain beings

   shattered

in the frigidity
       of
         blame


"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote



[This message has been edited by coyote (edited 04-26-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 coyote - All Rights Reserved
StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679
Texas
1 posted 2001-04-25 11:02 PM


this was excellent I loved it ... adding it to my library
coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

2 posted 2001-04-25 11:14 PM


Thanks, Starrgazer.
It's a bit of "retrospective self-indulgence".  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-04-25 11:41 PM


I felt sad when I read this. As if some problems are happening within your life. This about your wife, or somebody close to you? Some fight breaking out?
Well....I enjoyed the poem, but don't like hearing that your going through some times....oh well happens to the best of us, eh?
Hope all is well!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

4 posted 2001-04-26 12:42 PM


Thanks for your kind words, Javier.
I'm O.K. with it though. This was merely
an expression of feelings. In the time continuum, it will only be a nanosecond of self-indulgence.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

5 posted 2001-04-26 01:50 AM


Hey you...

very dark indeed...

I have to say I liked it. One thing - I feel that the four line stanzas are a little too regimented...maybe you could joint then together, or make uneven lined stanzas? What do you think?

K

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

6 posted 2001-04-26 08:21 AM


Thanks, Kamla.
Funny you should say that. One of my "faults" is "regimentality".lol
But you're absolutely correct, the even edges aren't really applicable to the jagged words. It would be better with a torn edge.
I'll do some rearranging and get back to you.
Appreciated.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

7 posted 2001-04-26 04:21 PM


YES!

WOW!

So much better!!!!!

That reads differently now...flows more...and you're welcome btw  

K

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

8 posted 2001-04-26 05:09 PM


hey Billy

I loved this, although sad, I loved the style and the way it flowed. It all blended in beautifully.  


Maree

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

9 posted 2001-04-26 08:35 PM


Thank You, Kamla and Maree.
Your comments are greatly appreciated.
And the sadness, Maree,(and Javier) is but a retrospective memory.
Remnants of a storm that raged once, and perhaps may rage again?
"Yet cannot endure a change of seasons, nor drown the truth ordained of love's resolve."

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
10 posted 2001-04-26 11:17 PM


mmm mm another excellent peice,this one seems very surreal,like a salvador dali painting where time creeps audibly...very interesting...great work!!(again)

sam

much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

11 posted 2001-04-26 11:40 PM


Thanks, Samantha.
"Time creeps audibly".
I like that fitting analogy.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

EagleOne
Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...
12 posted 2001-04-27 07:51 AM


I agree with everyone else here, this is excellent. Well done!

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our
feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." ~unknown


coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

13 posted 2001-04-27 08:26 AM


Thanks, EagleOne.
Your comments are appreciated.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

ma miller
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806

14 posted 2001-04-27 08:36 AM


well done, Coyote ... nice breaks that allow the reader to absorb the thoughts ... well done.
coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

15 posted 2001-04-27 08:44 AM


Thanks, Mark.
Your thoughts are appreciated.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

Ginners
Member
since 2000-07-22
Posts 339
Mullica Hill, New Jersey
16 posted 2001-04-27 09:51 PM


This was amazing, it made me want to cry.  i know this feeling well.  

"I'll build a wall if we can keep them on the other side"---NIN
"There is no always forever, just this"-the cure

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

17 posted 2001-04-27 10:17 PM


Thanks, Gin.
Your confirmation was most welcomed.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

Blaec
Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 130
The Sunshine State
18 posted 2001-04-29 04:48 PM


Wonderful poem.
It hits home with me.
Thanks for the read.

OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa
19 posted 2001-04-29 05:20 PM


I like this very much, I can feel that desolation its not as much what you have written but what you have not, this adds to the emotion, great write. Thank you

Regards,
Olias.

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

20 posted 2001-04-29 05:28 PM


Thanks, Blaec and Olias.
Your reading and comments are much appreciated. I'm glad you could feel this too.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

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