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Dark Poetry #3
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StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679
Texas

0 posted 2001-04-24 01:14 AM



~Molten Ice~

I am a product
Of my own making
Forged by others
Shaped by none

Life flows
Like molten ice
Pulsating- trickling
Through my veins

Cracks are filled
The instant they appear
Hot to touch
Cold to feel

I will not break
Can be flexible
Forever changing
In your hands

Burning a hole
Through you
Then leaving you
Cold as ice

I am the product
Of your making
Forged by you
Shaped by pain

© Copyright 2001 Shan Crider - All Rights Reserved
Xeonox
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Senior Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764
CA, USA
1 posted 2001-04-24 01:23 AM


Awesome writing. It kinda corelates to what  I write. I very much enjoyed this verse.

Burning a hole
Through you
Then leaving you
Cold as ice .

Your poetry is awesome now doubt, but using cracks and hot seems a little awkward.
Over all, it is a great piece. I enjoyed reading it.

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

EagleOne
Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...
2 posted 2001-04-24 03:27 AM


I do like this one! Excellent!

"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our
feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." ~unknown


allis4angel
Member
since 2001-04-10
Posts 82
Portugal
3 posted 2001-04-24 04:58 PM


As simple as that.
Very nice.

dragonpoe
Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida
4 posted 2001-04-24 05:04 PM


Very strong writing. Expressed vividly and craftily written. Enjoyed it very much.

With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free..
dragonpoe

StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679
Texas
5 posted 2001-04-25 11:01 PM


this was a little different than my normal style but I loved writing it thanks for your comments
coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

6 posted 2001-04-25 11:30 PM




                                                        "I am the product
                                                          Of your making
                                                          Forged by you
                                                         Shaped by pain"

I liked this whole poem. But particularly
like the contradiction between this verse and the first line. It says a lot.
Thanks.  

"The rose, like the cactus flower, protects herself with thorns. We however, impale ourselves on their beauty."
coyote

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