navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #3 » infection
Dark Poetry #3
Post A Reply Post New Topic infection Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
amyX
Junior Member
since 2001-04-02
Posts 32


0 posted 2001-04-06 12:10 PM


infection
admits this girl is just a phase
a poor man must contemplate
from time to time

her beauty arrives too late
to share skin with easy needs
scraped along your fingernails
to remember her name

not in her eyes
not in her movement
the girl next door truth
dipped in sugar

just an easy kind of something
sitting on the couch
without much thought
about her appeal

she's a memory
a photograph hanging
the scar on a dancing
dirty table
with your intentions in mind

the center of the world
spins around her scent
just for that moment
when she sighs

you'll have her too soon
and leave the hesitation
satisfied

never realizing
she comes like
charity
dropped in a coffee can

pennies for her thought
and remedy for infection
before you hate the sound
of her silent voice


© Copyright 2001 amyX - All Rights Reserved
coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

1 posted 2001-04-06 12:37 PM


What can I say?
This is really a deep one.
I'm still absorbing its subtle impact.
Very good work, Thanks.  

"I hate quotes, they suck!"
I.G. Norance

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
2 posted 2001-04-06 10:50 AM


hmmm i think i'll have to read this one again to get the full idea,it's very interesting,i love your ideas!!


swamp

much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson

ma miller
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806

3 posted 2001-04-06 12:27 PM


i don't say this very often, but i really loved this ... intricate flow 'til the end ... and easy to read ... just a very well done piece ...


amyX
Junior Member
since 2001-04-02
Posts 32

4 posted 2001-04-06 11:11 PM


thanks all
for a moment
i feel a bit of content
amyx

Victims, aren't we all?

svandersaar
Junior Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 40

5 posted 2001-04-07 12:27 PM


Some interesting, innovative phrases... this is work with a few great pieces, but overall, your message seems lost between little skips of imagery, and shifts of thought (which may appear clear to you but leave the reading wandering). Try reading over this from an outside perspective and see if you can 'clear' things a bit. Still, I enjoyed.
Stacey

amyX
Junior Member
since 2001-04-02
Posts 32

6 posted 2001-04-07 05:34 PM


I'll agree with you
most won't understand
really, they won't
but I thank you
very much for the advise
my mind is my flaw
my purpose now is to explain in...
thankyou!!!!

Victims, aren't we all?

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #3 » infection

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary