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Dark Poetry #3
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strange girl
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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strange girl |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
Here's something short and simple ,about no one in particular,just a girl i suppose  ```````````````````````````````````````````````````` Heavy dripping tendrils hang like sinking ships, around the sea grey eyes and scarletina lips. She wears ocean stars and sea foam weave. Grey linked whispered hint of blue crevé.* Walking slow and millstone eyes weigh down, she is a shadow in a dark little town. ```````````````````````````````````````````````````` *crevé is french for an opening or a slash. Here I’m using it to allude to a scar or a wound.Just thought I’d clarify a bit  much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson |
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| © Copyright 2001 Swamp¤Faeryie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kerri S Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 61Rhode Island |
You did a great job on this poem. I found it to open my mind and let it wonder at where this girl was and why she was as she was. Made me think of a lost little girl at the beach trying to find her parents, and how alone she felt. A very wonderful read Kerri |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
Great poem. Reads as a wonderful opening to a story line. Thanks for the definition of creve'. I love it when writers get creative and teach us new words. Enjoyed the read very much. With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. dragonpoe |
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Temptress*Moon Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 240Long Island, NY |
Great "Visual" you gave in this poem*S* Loved it Temptress*Moon I slept and dreamed that life was beauty was thy dream then a shadowy lie? -ESH- |
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Broken Member
since 2000-03-12
Posts 271The woods |
Something somewhat different, liked it. ~Broken~ Oh God! Why the angels fall first? |
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Marian's Lover Junior Member
since 2001-03-05
Posts 15 |
This is simply beautiful... brought a tear to my eye. The only guarantee in Life, is Death. - The Lord Buddha |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
oh thank you all!!actually it was inspired by a stranger walking by,i have a habit of making up stories in my head about strangers,or when walking in a graveyard making up stories about what those people may have been like,a fascination =] thanks everyone!! sammi much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson |
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mystic requiem Member
since 2001-01-26
Posts 144 |
Simply super! I love your work. *thanx*   mYsTiC |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
Swamp¤Faeryie ... nice work here and a good premise ... i did lose the meter on the last two lines: "Walking slow and millstone eyes weigh down, she is a shadow in a dark little town." maybe ... Walking slow with millstone eyes weighing her down, she casts the darkest shadow in a dark little town. just my opinion ... thanks for accepting constructive critiques ... |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
Thanks mystic and ma miller And thank you very much miller for your suggested improvement,i think your edit really added something to it,kinda of changed the entire meaning with a few words!!thanks a million!!swampie much madness is divinest sense,and much sense the starkest madness~Emily Dickinson |
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taramw Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738 |
Simply put - I loved this ~ Tara ~ may you live all the days of your life. -- jonathan swift |
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